Everyone is afraid of something. The most obvious fears are those like death, tragedy, or the unexpected. For myself, none of these terrors amount to the fear I feel when I think about one thing in particular: divorce. Now, I will admit that I have been lucky enough to see my parents grow up loving each other and truly embodying commitment and care for each other. Unfortunately, many other people aren't as privileged as I have been in that regard, and that is the driving force behind this article. According to the American Psychological Association, 40-50% of first-time marriages end in divorce, and those statistics for subsequent marriages are even higher. Those numbers are flat out disheartening. It's hard to wrap my mind around the fact that about half of all people who stand across from each other and promise commitment and love for one another until death end up breaking that promise. To break any promise is unfortunate, but to break a promise of this magnitude and sanctity is an absolutely devastating thought.

For those who fear death, they may seek out ways to postpone death, such as daily exercise, eating nutritious meals, among various other methods. For those who fear the though of divorce, and breaking such a holy promise, I got to thinking about what to do about these disgustingly high statistics, and how to go about lowering them, and bringing the sacredness back to, in my opinion, the single most permanent and meaningful decision in your entire life.

While thinking, I remembered learning about how habits are instilled very early in humans, and once those habits have manifested, there is very little that one can so to break those habits. If I am taught at a young age that stealing is okay, and I can get away with it, twenty years down the road I will likely still maintain that bad habit. This same general idea can be applied to relationships as well. If at a young age I foster poor relationship habits, those habits will be difficult to break, and I will be left making poor relationship choices, causing relationships (and marriages) to end.

My problem with the approach to solving this divorce crisis in America is that everyone who is attempting to provide solutions tend to be older individuals, who have already been apart of their fair share of relationships, and trying to attack this crisis at its roots is rendered completely ineffective when you have authors like that providing input. If I've learned anything in my 18 years on this Earth it's that peers listen to their peers, and often absorb each other's habits, interests, and priorities. If we are to attack this problem at its roots, by fostering positive and effective relationship habits in early relationships among young people, the voice of another young person is exponentially more potent and persuasive than that of some professional "expert" on the topic. It is for that reason that I feel it is my obligation to share my story, what I took away from my past relationship, and highlight what I and my significant other did to create the strong relationship that we had.

Notice here that I am saying "had." The relationship that is the driving force behind this article is no longer intact, and I will be the first to admit that it was far from perfect. That being said, the imperfections and mistakes that were made during my past relationship helped to unmistakably outline the things that we did right, and the things that we did that are present in all healthy and replicable relationships. Just a little note: often times we learn the most and get the most feedback from not succeeding. Even though the relationship that this article is derived from didn't succeed in the end, there are bountiful successes that we had along the way, and that is what I want to share with you, because I think that these successes are key in any long term relationship, and if you or your significant other are reading this, and currently having difficulties, hopefully you can take away something I share with you today. And for those who are not in a relationship now, but hoping to be in one at some point, these pointers can definitely be the building blocks of what I hope will be a long and healthy relationship. Who knows, maybe if enough people are willing to incorporate a few of these habits into their relationships, and find success with them, the astronomically high divorce rates of today will someday subside, and life's most important promise will look more permanent than temporary.

1. Get as close with your significant other as you do their family.

Now, I understand this takes time, and meeting the family of your partner is a serious step in the relationship. Once that step is reached however, it is important to invest yourself in getting to know his/her family because that reflects how serious and invested you are in your significant other. I made sure this was a staple of my past relationship. I visited her mom at her work. I spent time with her family even when she wasn't home herself. I spent countless hours making personal and meaningful connections with her younger sisters, who very quickly admired me and looked up to me, calling me their "brother." If you want to prove to your significant other that you are truly prepared for a serious relationship with him/her, show them that their family is just as important apart of your life as they are.

2. Be distant.

At least at the start. Yes, you read that right. New relationship are enthralling and consuming. Everything is new and exciting and all you want is to be stuck to this new person wherever they go. This is why I suggest that at some point early on in the new relationship, take a weekend away from each other. See what the young relationship looks like while apart. While only being able to text or talk on the phone. I suggest this because at some point you're inevitably going to be away from this person, and if you are in a serious stage by the time you're apart, it will be incredibly difficult to function while apart, and that's not healthy. A healthy relationship is one where you can balance all components of your life - relying upon your significant other and feeling lost without them is normal, but if you can't sustain that balance it can prove troublesome. I traveled to Boston for a weekend only two or three weeks into my past "relationship." This was tough for both of us, especially because we were always together up until that point, studying together during school, and then going for walks or hanging out after school. As hard as it was, it proved to both of us that we could sustain a relationship without feeling like we have to be physically together at all time. And I've witnessed far too many relationships that rely on physical proximity, and the second the two individuals separate, the struggles hit them very hard. When building a relationship, test yourselves with distance early on to see how serious you are about each other. The investment and struggles will pay off and, hopefully, only make you closer.

3. Treat the relationship like it's a class you're taking in school.

Learn the material. Learn what works and what doesn't work. Study your significant other like you would study for your classes, because at the end of the day, excelling at relationship skills are likely to be more important than excelling in calculus. I always told her that I knew her like the back of my hand, and I absolutely did. I actually spent time learning about her, her past, her struggles, her successes, and everything in between. I learned what made her click. What made her happy, sad, angry, excited, motivated. She went from being pretty much a stranger to me to someone I felt I had known for years within a matter of weeks, and that's because of the effort I put into showing her I cared about her and viewed what we had as long-term. My piece of advice is just to listen and learn, especially the small things and quirks. One day in math class together I noticed her playing with her ring, constantly adjusting it and switching it between her fingers. In that same class, she noticed me playing with my chain necklace, shifting it around my neck and biting on it when I was working intently. Pick up on the small things; I promise he/she will take a certain appreciation in you taking notice.

4. Skip the fancy date out.

Skip the $300 purchase of clothing for his/her birthday. Don't get me wrong, these things are great, and I did these things during my relationship. However, mix in a meal at home, where you cook the meal, either by yourself or together. Think about making him/her something as a gift instead of just buying expensive clothes. I think you can probably catch my pattern here. Being personal and creative is the way to go if you want to really make your significant other feel like you want them to be a permanent part of your life. For Valentine's day I home-cooked both of us lobster, and I know how meaningful that was for her. We both competed with each other over who could give the other the better and more personal gift, and we were both masters at it, exchanging numerous meaningful and concrete gifts. If you want to show that you view your relationship as permanent and not temporary, consider doing something like this to go above and beyond for him/her.

5. Be patient.

Relationships aren't all fun and games, especially in the beginning where you're still trying to figure each other out and how to work as a team. For those who jump right into the "fun and games" of the relationship, typically see that fun drain out very quickly. I was lucky enough to be with someone who was incredibly patient with me. It was my first real relationship and it only added to the steep learning curve that I was dealing with. But with patience we got through the rocky beginning that I don't think many other people would've gotten through. Thanks to patience, this was made possible.

6. Find a meaningful spot that represents the two of you.

Where you first met. Where you officially asked her out. Where you went to talk things over when things got tough. Wherever it is, always use this place as a getaway, where you can go together and know how special that place is. To talk things over when difficulties arise, to celebrate here with birthday breakfast picnics, or make this place the last stop before going your separate ways off to college, just as we did. Find a place that represents what you two have, and go to this place as often as you want and need to as it is a constant reminder of what you've worked so hard for and been willing to go through for each other.

7. Learn their strengths and weaknesses.

Learn what makes him/her the happiest person in the world and what makes them the angriest person in the world. It's just as important to know what to do to make your significant other happy as it is to know what not to do that makes them angry. Use his/her strengths to improve on your weaknesses, and use your own strengths to improve his/her weaknesses. That's how a strong and effective team works.

8. Compete with each other.

Playfully. Understand that a relationship involves both individuals as a single unit. It's not about outdoing the other person or being better than him/her. This becomes intimidating and stressful. Stay humble and down to earth, and compete with each other without trying to make each other feel inferior. Healthy competition is good in anything you do because it forces you to push yourself to be better, whether it be competing in sports or competing in your relationships.

9. Show your possessiveness.

To a certain degree. This is key. Admittedly, it is hard to find the perfect balance. Don't let your significant other feel neglected. Make sure they know that you are proud to have them by your side. Show them off. I made sure she knew she was mine. Don't ever let him/her doubt that. Showing possessiveness alleviates that doubt. However, understand you aren't the only person in his/her life. Your significant other has family, friends, and others who he/she also has to make time for. You can't be selfish. Show your possessiveness but show him/her you know you're not the only one who "possesses" him/her. What I mean by this is sometimes he/she wants to make time for his/her family, and you need to be supportive of his/her time spent with others. I learned this the hard way, and I beg that if you're in a serious relationship, to make sure you don't have your partner on a metaphorical leash. He/she will feel choked and torn and asking someone to choose between their family and their significant other is about as unhealthy a request as you can make.

10. Accepting the friends of your significant other is inherently necessary in accepting your significant other.

Being protective of your partner, you naturally may question his/her friends and whether or not they are the best influences for him/her. However, you should set these instincts aside and trust the judgement of your significant other. If your partner was smart enough to choose you, they were smart enough to choose the friends that they have.

I'm not saying this is a perfect format for building the perfect relationship. Like I said earlier, the relationship that this essay was written about is no longer intact. But what I will say is that when the advice described in this essay were adhered to, what he had felt, and honestly was, invincible. I also understand that not all relationships are exactly the same, and the path towards success looks different for every couple. So to generalize my advice, simply go above and beyond for the people you care about. Overly thoughtful. Overly involved. Overly studious. Overly invested. A relationship is a special thing, and when everything is said and done in your life, you will likely look back at the relationships you had as being the most important things in your life. Too many people seem to wait too long to come to that realization. Especially in the modern day, where the majority of young people in formal relationships have what I call a "relationship on the side" which is a relationship that takes a backseat to school, work, sports, etc. It's a relationship that's just for fun. Just to stay occupied and have someone to always talk to. That type of blatantly superficial and short-term relationship that is so prevalent among young couples today is what I believe is playing a formidable role in fostering these bad habits, and causing the outrageous divorce rates that we see today. Turning around these bad habits and skyscraper divorce rates that are the result of those habits starts with how we are engaging in our relationships at a young age. With everything, it is best to get into good habits as early as possible, in order to avoid as many mistakes as possible down the road.

The thought of divorce terrifies me. The thought of promising my life to someone only to take it back terrifies me. I can be confident, however, that whomever I next let into my life won't ever doubt my intentions. She won't ever have to guess whether or not what we have is permanent or temporary. And maybe whomever I'm with next won't work out. Or the person after her. However, when I find the one, and I stand across from her and say my vows and make that ultimate promise, she will know that that promise won't ever be broken.

I hope you as readers can take something away from what I wrote, and apply it to your own current or future relationships. Just remember: go above and beyond. Don't settle for anything less than you deserve. And make sure that when you make the ultimate promise, you intend it to be a permanent one.