Working as a Hostess in a small restaurant this summer, I quickly became accustomed to the various groups of people that came in to dine -- especially on the weekends. With all of this experience as my inspiration, I offer you this list of the five breeds of restaurant-goers that you will encounter as a host or hostess, and some advice on how to get by.
1. The Drunk Friend Group
Ah yes, the 4th of July group of 15 who makes you push all the tables on the right side of the restaurant together. While it’s exciting that they’ll probably charge up a huge bill with all the alcoholic drinks they’re sure to order, it’s slightly less exciting that they’re going to demand to drink their own bottles that they’ve brought along in the beach cooler! Now, if you can overcome this small battle, just you wait, because more than likely, about halfway into the meal, one of the guys will stumble on over to you (you who’s just standing at her post minding her own business), and attempt to flirt in the form of slurred words (Irresistible! Guys, I recommend this tactic!). Reject him all you want, but if he had the confidence to come over to a completely sober stranger, chances are that more than a few rejections will have to be said to really stomp out that drunk fantasy of his. My advice would be to just mess with him — maybe push him so he “trips”?
2. The Sweet Old Couple Seated Next to the Drunks
You’re not sure how exactly this happened, and neither are they, but the cutest old couple to ever come through the restaurant, just looking to have a peaceful date night, are sitting right next to the massive table the drunk crew has formed! Your heart will break watching them struggle to speak or hear one another — turning up their hearing aids and shaking their heads in defeat — even sometimes notice their frail bones vibrating when startled by the random outbursts of the 21-year-olds. Maybe they’ll complain to the waitress or manager about it (as if the ceiling fans above them making them too cold wasn’t enough of an issue), but at this point, it’s out of your hands, so maybe just look the other way.
(How sad do they look?)
3. The Family with the Complaining Mom
So you have your little family of four seated at the window table they requested, and lo and behold, their teenage son is allergic to basically everything on the menu, and the waitress messes up the order a little. To think it would ever be “not a big deal” to this kind of group would be a serious rookie assumption. You consistently make eye-contact with the mom who’s now yelling at the waitress over the proper preparation of nachos, and the prices being too high, and for some reason, she seems to take this as a sign that you’re on her side (you just couldn’t help but witness the fight). She’ll keep looking and will eventually come over either to ask you for your help, or to simply give you an earful, which will probably make her feel better, and like she has come out as the winner of this fight — because you’re definitely on the crazy woman’s side, right? Humor the both of you, and just nod.
4. The Loner at the Bar
“Table for one? I have some small tables outside…or at the bar? Ok, the bar.” One mysterious man will come in and sit at the bar from around 7 pm to closing. He’ll order some food, maybe chat with the pretty bartender, but you will not know his story. He’s not like the young drunk crew members who get more honest and talkative throughout the night — no, he’s far more mysterious and complex. You can stand behind the hostess stands, maybe guessing — is he married? from around here? wait, why am I so attracted to him? — but by closing, you’ll turn around, wondering if he’s still here, and guess what? He’s gone, and you didn’t even get to say goodnight. These guys are wild cards -- can't really give any solid advice, but keep an eye out.
Well, the kitchen closes in two minutes, but they look like they've been running around all night just trying to find ONE restaurant, and they PROMISE to order right away! They’re in love and hungry and you can’t say no, so you start to walk them over to a table, avoiding shocked and evil glares from the waiters who just got finished running out the last plate of food for the night — oops — but you’re off at ten, so just make a run for it and don’t look back!
