It's an interesting feeling when a friend reaches out to you for advice. It allows a sense of importance, and spotlights your experiences. It draws you closer together as friends, and builds trust. However, what I feel is the most important step in the advice giving process is the self reflection. This is the part where you answer a basic question: what truth have I learned that I can give to my friend?

Life lessons are a tricky subject. They are, quite exactly, subjective. Unsolicited life advice is like reading through a stranger's to-do list. It's garbage to anyone but the person who has to do those things. That is not to say, however, that the stranger's list is useless. Take me for example. I am 19 years old. I am no Socrates. I am no Cesar Milan. However, I am a person, whose life, although not far along, contains real experiences. Everything that has happened to me has taught me a lesson, whether those lessons leave lasting impressions or are forgotten the minute after they are learned. Now, if I were to write down every single lesson I've learned in the 19 years I've been alive, it would be the most boring, unreadable text since the Twilight novels. BUT! That book would contain the things that make me the person I am today.

Like I said, tricky. "Now wait a minute Matt," you say. "What about giving advice? Doesn't that matter!! Don't I deserved to be heard???" Firstly, please calm down. Secondly, absolutely. It's a matter of being selective of the lessons you've learned - to find the key that matches the lock. Choose the right lessons to teach this person. This involves asking even more questions to yourself. For example, am I qualified to speculate on their life situation? Chances are, no. Everyone's life is radically different. That doesn't mean that you can't offer advice, it just means you can't assume you can fix their problem or criticize their actions. The whole point of asking and giving advice is utilizing the common ground that every person has - the desire to connect. So when you give the advice, the goal is to connect, not to dominate.

Finally, and this is crucial, whatever life lesson you advise has to be what the person needs to hear, rather than what they want to hear. Advice is a chance for the person in need to hear a different perspective, and if you tell them what they want to hear, you'll only be a continuation of the problem. If you tell them what they need to hear, even if they don't like what you say, they will listen to you. (Assuming this is a level headed, mature person).

Take my advice on advice, or don't. There's no perfect way to talk to your friends, chances are I don't know who you are, so these words are like a meaningless to-do list to you. This is just my take on how people should utilize the lessons they've learned for the better of their peers in need. But I don't know. Maybe I just needed to type this for myself.