If you base everything you see off of movies and television shows, having divorced parents doesn't seem that bad. In fact, it looks like the better deal. Some movies show the parents being really good friends and cooperating so the children don't have to suffer. Some movies might even show the children getting their way with everything. Their life just seems perfect because now they have two wonderful families. I have witnessed many families of divorce, and this is definitely not how it goes in most cases.
I wish I had handled my situation in a different way and maybe (but probably not,) it would have had a better outcome. Here's the best advice I can give anyone that has to deal with having divorced parents.
1. Don't pick one parent and only be by their side.
A divorce is already difficult. These two people fell in love and they just aren't anymore, at least not as much as they thought. We shouldn't be making it harder on them by deciding who's side to be on. There's nothing worse than having a child act hatefully by choosing one parent over the other. In some situations, one parent may put thoughts into your head to make the other parent seem worse.
When my parent's first split up, I thought everything was difficult but civil. I would see my dad whenever I wanted to and my dad was perfectly fine with that. Eventually, that all changed. It became a competition and my dad put thoughts into my head about my mom. That lead to me choosing my dad's side. I resented my mom for months. I blamed her for everything bad happening to our family. Soon, I found out that lies were put into my head about her, and that changed our relationship.
2. If you have siblings, they'll be your best friends.
You're not the only one going through this. Chances are, your siblings will see other sides of what's going on and they will need someone to talk to. You might realize that your bond has gotten stronger because although your parents aren't together, you will always have your siblings there.
I always thought I was pretty close to my brother and sister. We picked on each other and pushed each other to our limits, but when it came down to it, we always had each other's back. It was nice. When my parents got divorced we may have had a rocky start. We didn't always agree on what was going on, but I'm happy to say that if I ever needed them, they were there for me. My relationship with those two is absolutely incredible and I wouldn't change it for anything.
3. You have to go with it.
No, not everything. You don't have to go with the fights and the yelling and the name calling. But, there are going to be decisions made and those decisions may not always be yours to agree or disagree with. The one thing I learned from this is that you're not going to be happy with everything that goes on, so just put a smile on your face and go with it.
I wish I went with whatever was decided. Maybe I would have a better relationship with my dad if I had. I let the anger and emotions build up in me, and I fought absolutely everything that was going on. My relationship is completely ruined with my dad now, at least that's what it feels like. I feel like if I just went with all of it, the new wife, the step brothers, the new house, maybe, just maybe, I would also be happy.
4. Find the positive.
Although it seems completely impossible, it's not. There is always something positive around the corner. Whether it's a new school, more family, or a new stepparent, it could be something really small, but if it makes you even a little happy, embrace it. That may be the only thing that keeps you going during this huge change.
It took me a little while to find the positive in my life. I rejected everything that came my way and made it all into something bad. I wanted to get along with my stepmom, I honestly did. I thought everything was going great and I was happy for my dad. Yet, somehow this changed. My mom's voice kept coming out of my new stepmom's mouth and I didn't want to listen. It felt like I was in the middle of a competition between the both of them. I decided to turn away instead. Looking at my life now, I have a lot of positives that came out of this. My step dad is an amazing man and he never brings up my dad and the past. He wants to get to know me and who I am and what I want to do. I haven't felt that in so long. My mom is extremely happy and seeing her happy makes me happy. Maybe it's not the happiness that you feel, but the happiness you see in others.
5. Just love them.
You may get pissed. You may want to run away and just get a new family because that sounds a lot better than dealing with the one that you have. But the family you have has been through a lot; more than they wanted to and not once did they want to give up on you. This just means you have to try harder to be a loving child of these heartbroken parents, because they really need you, probably more than ever.
I love both my parents. I wish none of this had happened and that I was more mature about what was going on. My mom is my rock. She is the most important woman in my life and if anything ever happened to her, I honestly don't know what I would do. She has been so strong throughout all of this and I am so proud of who she has become. My dad, on the other hand, is a whole other story. I want to be mad at him and there are days that I wish he would just move away, but at the end of the day, he's my dad. I love him a lot although we don't have that strong relationship anymore and if anything happened to him, I don't know if I would forgive myself for what we have become.
Just try and make sure that you are trying to be the best child because they need you more than ever. Good luck!
