First paycheck
First car
First apartment
First serious relationship
First solo doctor appointment
We use purchases and events like these as steppingstones into the world of adulthood, patting ourselves on the back after achieving each one. Meanwhile, our confidence in living independently grows.
As a kid we often say that we can't wait to grow up so we can do x, y, and z. We long for the day when we don't have to answer to anyone. This dream later becomes the very thing we struggle with the most.
There are a lot of difficult problems that come with adulthood including work (and finances), learning how to grocery shop and cook for yourself, and making your own appointments. I think the root of most young adults' issues with getting things done (or "adulting", as millennials say), is that there's no one to make us do them anymore.
Through the first 18 years of one's life there are constantly people doing things for you, and/or telling you what to do. If you're lucky your guardians might have made sure you did your homework, put food on the table, and made sure you followed a structured schedule. It was their responsibility to make sure you were taken care of.
When you venture out on your own, suddenly those responsibilities are all yours. Suddenly, you must do all the boring things that no one wants to do but has to. And if you don't, no one's stopping you...but real, sometimes dangerous consequences will follow.
It's hard as a young adult to come to terms with the fact that your own motivation is literally the only thing keeping you alive. Some adjust better and quicker than others, but it's a struggle that everyone faces.
Some might call young people's lack of responsibility "laziness" or chalk it up to them being "dumb". Sure, some people are lazy. But most of the time our lack of independence stems from lack of knowledge.
Here's how I see it: everyone grows up differently. Just because Suzie has been taking care of her younger siblings since she was 12 while Mike didn't learn how to do laundry until the age of 20, doesn't mean either of them are better than the other. Mike's willingness to learn how to do his laundry when the time comes is what matters because he can't help the fact that no one taught him until then.
Home economics class practically doesn't exist anymore, and skills that our parents were taught like balancing a checkbook might as well be obsolete. In an ever-changing world, perhaps some parents just don't know how to prepare their kids anymore.
Entering adulthood often feels like going on a long hike with only half the map. And it can be scary. Some people have more of that map revealed to them sooner than others, and that's okay because we all take life at our own pace.
The next time you hear a young person complain about their empty bank account, offer to help them make a budget. When you hear them mention that they need to refill their medication but were never taught how, talk them through it. Adulting is hard and we need all the help we can get.
