Him: "What's that now? Where do you want to go?"

Me: "To town"

Him: "I'm sorry, this bus doesn't go there."

Me: "It's written out front- 'City centre'"

Him: "Oh, you meant town! Say it once more"

Me: "Town?"

Him: "T-T-T-town, I thought you meant Darwin"

First day into second term went a little like that and the only thoughts running in my head were "Are my 3 years here gonna be like this?", "Do I have a lisp???", "Omg, do I have to get an accent?" I move on from self-accusation, to total destruction of my self-confidence. Failing to acknowledge the fact that the bus driver might be high-key racist, I diminish any thought I had to "fit in", because let's be honest, I'm always going to be looked at as an outcast, a spice lover, and a bobbling head-bobbing Indian. And so, I went from being group leader in my seminars, to being a side liner. Watching everyone pitch in their good/illogical ideas, and not saying a word. Just head-bobbing all the way, the entire one hour. I remember once I was so nervous, I might have just said my name wrong in front of 20 other people, because I feared they wouldn't "understand my heavy accent." Way to make a first impression, am I right? And as I sat in my turban, eating raw chillies under a banyan tree in a parallel universe- it got me thinking, why do I care about what anyone thinks of me anyway? Is it because the only time I see Indians on campus is for a Bollywood night in town? Is it because everyone around me is either from the east, west, south, or north of London and I literally just know London? It still cracks me up how things like this have happened countless numbers of time in the past 2 years but I was so oblivious to the fact that they were undermining me, instead of just having a general hearing problem. And what do you think I did after I uncovered this life changing truth? That's right, nothing. I did nothing.

The January of 2018, I was so excited to leave home and come back to university where I had like 4 friends and a terrible eating lifestyle waiting for me. Don't get me wrong, I came back with a 1000% more confidence, but that all went out the window when the immigration officer asked me to pronounce my "r's" correctly. "It's 'r' not 'r'", he said. Made no sense if you ask me, but that's all it took to getting me locked in my room for the entire month, spending my two months pocket money on food, because excuse you, who wants to go out and TALK when they can just say thank you, and move onto the next meal? Definitely, not me. Also, I developed this thing called SAD (???), which is basically a seasonal affective disorder. It's SADder than it sounds, not really that punny. Anyway, went to a counsellor on campus, no biggie. And after almost a month's counselling and weirdly some dance lessons, I noticed myself getting out of the room more. Not because I had blown up all my money on food and online shopping that no one really saw, but because who the hell cares. Who cares what you say in classes? They forget what they say, let alone remember what I said. Who cares where I had to go, town or Darwin, I was paying either way! Until that time, I was embarrassed of where I was from, and I was tired of everyone asking me if I went to school on elephants and had a secret snake charmer. I owned it. I owned every bit of it. The next time someone came and asked me how my English was so good, I just punched them in the face. No, I'm kidding, just elbowed them lightly in the stomach. No I'm only joking, just walked away because my answer was bigger than their tiny mind-set. But there are bigger things happening due to racism all around, which are way bigger than any of my childlike problems. My own housemate shared even worse problems, but now she owns it! There are so many people from all around the world, who come to make something of themselves, in a country far away from home, but get ridiculed because we're not the same colour? Something that seems so trivial, doesn't let us get part-time jobs because of our colour, our hair and our accents? It's such a joke, because we have societies, but they don't only let us establish our roots in University, they also help distinguish us from the rest and it's easier to distinguish us than treat us like we're the same.

So, to conclude my never ending soliloquy; don't give a shit. Honestly, represent your country, embrace all the flaws and its beauty. Stand up for who you are, your values, your beliefs. Respect yourself enough and others will follow. Be bold, be brave, be as loud as your lungs allow you to, raise a million questions, and don't ever think you're anything less than the others around you. Got a scholarship? OWN IT! You do you. Everyone has self-esteem issues, at times they may look at you like "what are you on about" but mostly they're just day-dreaming. Rather not give a second thought to it, Its University, what can you do.