I think I’ve been in some form of therapy on and off since I was in first grade. How do I remember that? Well, because my mom would bribe me to go see the therapist with new packs of Pokémon cards. My parents were so diligent, and really aware of my personality while I was growing up. I think they sensed early on that I was pretty independent and willful, and that’s why they relied so much on outside resources for help in guiding me along. Nevertheless, I believe my parents did the right thing by putting me in therapy at that age. In a way, I think of it as them having the courage to admit that they couldn’t help their child on their own, but wanted the best for them, no matter what it would take.

And as I said, I’ve been in therapy off and on for a while now. But in the last year, I feel as though the stakes are somewhat higher. I’m not saying that it has to work now or never, but am I saying that this is a time in my life where I have a real opportunity to take a step back and look at myself, stop BS-ing my therapists with psychobable, and like, put in actual work, because my school workload isn’t heavy, I’m leaving after this fall semester to go abroad in Berlin, and I also moved apartments from last year, with an entirely new roommate as well. So yeah, I guess I could say that I have a lot of personal freedom these days. The reason why I decided to take therapy seriously this time around was because I had realized at a certain point that I could no longer trust myself. I no longer saw myself as the most viable option for problem solving. I couldn’t rely on my own judgment to actually make decisions that would benefit me. I was literally lost.

This was exactly one year ago. And now here I am, sitting in a new apartment, with a new roommate, new classes, and a new agenda, and I think: what have I learned from my past 12 months of “taking things seriously”?

I do not know if I can accurately pinpoint every lesson learned and revelation that I’ve had in the past year. But I do think I can give a very general answer that encompasses most of my thinking: when I reflect, I see myself as someone who now feels that the weight of the world has been lifted. Without that extra weight, things become a lot clearer to me than they were in the past. Working through anxiety has opened up a lot of questions that I have always wondered with regards to me as a person. It’s weird to remove anxiety from the equation, because it’s almost like removing a family member from a holiday card. Anxiety is that person was always there each and every year, but now they’re gone, and only show up for Thanksgiving for the free food.

By all means, do not feel guilty about leaving the health center staff. This is exactly what I did at the end of my sophomore year. I was seeing a therapist and psychiatrist through CAPS, but eventually decided to move on from both of them. I spent about 2.5 weeks home during summer break before I approached my parents about finding a new therapist for the summer who was based out of my hometown. Perfectly enough for me, I found someone who was a few streets away in my Philly suburb. From May until the present day, I have been on a slow move. But I think its appropriate to summarize some of the most prevalent ideas that I've kept in mind since the beginning of the summer: Take other people’s feelings into consideration, be empathetic; do not rely on or put pressure on someone else to complete you, you are good enough on your own; now is the only time to do the right thing.

I am still heavily obsessed with Pokemon (I've moved on from Digimon), and I am still a firm believer in talking to someone, even if that someone is yourself. Some of these concepts have really only become front and center within the last few months. With that being said, there is never too little room for improvement. The idea of jumping feet first in to bettering yourself doesn’t come from anywhere. It has to result in a willingness to tell the truth, literally standing up to yourself and saying "I don't like this, and I'm ready for a change." But let's be real here, there isn’t a sophisticated or philosophical way to express what it means to “take things seriously;” you're just cutting the BS out of the equation.