You see it all the time on Twitter or Instagram, pictures of girls with huge flowers or a teddy bear or a couple cuddling in their underwear without a care in the world. “That’s bae” or “I love my person” swarms captions of Instagram posts after people hit their six month or two year anniversaries. The rest of us sit on the other side of the screen and gaze at the “I wish that was me” posts.

“Ugh they’re goals”. Don’t get me wrong, I love all that cute stuff, who doesn’t want to be showered with love? But there comes a point in relationships where goals aren’t just the cute stuff. I believe people should consider different goals for their relationships that strengthen each other and their future.

1. Invest in Each Other

I’ve learned that you can be with people constantly but still not know a single detail about them. Get to know your significant other. Ask questions, have intellectual conversations, have debates, talk about politics. The more you know the more you’ll be surprised about the other person. Explore them, really get to know them. There’s something flattering about when you get asked “what’s your favorite film” and your significant other can answer it for you. Cute right?

2. Have a Life Outside of Them

When you love someone it’s hard not to be around them. Their presence makes you happy and you want to see them grow. Developing with each other through thick and thin is really satisfying but everyone needs their space at times. If I’m scared of being alone I always think, “I could function before them, I can function without them too”. You shouldn’t lose yourself in your significant other. I guarantee you’ll lose friendships and ties with others if you just concentrate on boo. If they’re away on a trip or something, you want to be able to know that you can go about your life and not worry that they’re not at your hip.

3. Beware of Social Media

There’s nothing wrong with posting on social media. It’s nice to see every now and then that someone wants to flaunt you or your relationship. However, there comes a problem when your lives are constantly being posted. Studies have said that if people constantly post about their lives, they’re actually way more insecure about their lives instead of the proud life they show in pictures. Keep people out of your business sometimes, have personal moments. Besides, your significant other should know you love them and want to show them off with or without social media.

4. Get Comfortable

Probably one of the hardest things about relationships is letting down your guard. Of course no one wants to be laughed at or made fun of, but in a relationship, you’re going to do embarrassing things. Learn to laugh at yourself and others and not take things so seriously. You’re not perfect and neither are they. I heard once that “if you can’t laugh with them, even in the most awkward of moments, they’re not the one." So smile a little and take it easy.

5. Talk It Out

Communication is key. Don’t build resentment by bottling things up. If it bothers you, say it. Chances are the other person doesn’t even realize they’re doing something that bothers you. You build stronger relationships when you know you can be serious with them and fix issues without screaming at each other or acting petty (stop being petty, it’s immature).

“Goals” are obviously subjective but they’re much more than the tangible, cute stuff you may see all the time. Relationships are hard and reaching any milestone or getting through bumps is a goal in itself. You want to be able to climb up the mountain and be on top of the world together, not just meet at the top.