When I was about 10, my Dad took me to see the touring cast of "The Phantom of the Opera" at the Orpheum theater in Phoenix, Arizona. I walked into the theater over the moon excited, as I’ve always dreamed of seeing the show. I walked out with a newfound love for musical theater, and became an enthusiast and lover of the arts. But, there wasn’t much more than that. In fact, I wanted to be a marine biologist.
A few years later, my parents gave me tickets to see "Wicked" and, again, I was beside myself with excitement, because I loved the music and I had sung "Popular" for a choir final just prior to that. When we finally went to see the show, I was bawling at the overture. The entirety of the show captivated me. I smiled, I laughed, I cried multiple times, and I walked out of the theater with the idea of marine biology gone from my head. From that moment on, I wanted to be an actor.
I’ve spent many years of my life working hard to become a performer, and there are times that that isn’t so easy. Behind all of the hard work and countless hours of rehearsals, I’ve dealt with a lot regarding my mental health. I suffer from chronic depression and severe anxiety. There are days where I don’t even want to get out of bed, much less perform in a school musical. For me, what’s come with my mental illness is a lot of insecurity. I live in a constant state of not feeling good enough for my friends and family and especially this career.
Granted, it’s important to try your best to not compare yourself to others. There’s always going to be someone better than you, not just in the performance field but anywhere. There’s always room to improve and room to work harder. However, sometimes it can be incredibly hard not to when voices in your head keeping telling you how terrible and untalented you are.
I want to be an actor because I want to prove my demons wrong. I’ve been working really hard, and I continue to work really hard every day to achieve this goal. This is one of, if not the hardest industry to be involved in. I’m prepared to be rejected at the very least 100 times before I book something. I know with every rejection my insecurities are going to try and get the best of me, but I want this so bad that I am going to move past it.
I want to be an actor because I want to inspire somebody like the touring casts of Phantom and Wicked inspired me. Those performers brought something out in me that, to this day, was the most magical experience of my life. I want someone to fall in love with the theater because of a show I worked my whole life to be a part of.
Most importantly, though, I want to be an actor because I love theater. There’s nothing in the entire world that I love more than performing. I love the escape theater provides for everyone involved, from the audience to the ushers to the actors to the tech crew. Everyone can leave behind what’s happening in their life at the door and focusing on a story laid out on the stage. I love telling stories and leaving my heart and soul out on the stage for everyone to see and feel and understand. I love that when I perform, nothing else in the world matters. The voices get quiet. I don’t feel bad about myself. I am just in the moment and I live. I truly live.
