Accepting The Love You Actually Deserve

Accepting The Love You Actually Deserve

Never let anyone rob you of yourself

Let’s kick it off with quote from Stephen Chbosky’s "The Perks of Being A Wallflower", “We accept the love we think we deserve.” The main character, Charlie, had been speaking to his English teacher and told him about his sister’s abusive relationship. Charlie has seen her boyfriend hit her, but his sister had told him not to tell their parents about it. And that’s when the English teacher delivers that line to Charlie.

When he gets home he sees his sister crying and their parents standing in front of her. He knows his teacher has told their parents.

"My sister was crying. My mom was very very quiet. My dad did all the talking. He said that my sister was not allowed to see the boy who hit her anymore, and he was going to have a talk with the boy’s parent’s tonight. My sister then said that it was all her fault, that she was provoking him, but my dad said it was no excuse.
'But I love him!' I had never seen my sister cry that much.
'No, you don’t.'
'I hate you!'
'No, you don’t.' My dad can be very calm sometimes.
'He’s my whole world.'
'Don’t ever say that about anyone again. Not even me.' That was my mom."

It’s a heartbreaking encounter to read. To hear just how broken she has become in the relationship. Charlie’s sister believes she deserves this. She says she has provoked him. She says that she loves him. She defines this non-love as love because this is the love she thinks she deserves.
But no one deserves that. Never go blind to that fact, that no one deserves that.

You deserve love. The definition of love that you created for yourself in first grade. The one of cut out hearts and scribbled I love you’s. You deserve a love that respects you, supports you, embraces you. That is the love that you deserve, no matter who you are, what mistakes maul your past or what flaws befall your name, you deserve that love. From family, from friends, from any significant other, that is the love that you deserve, do not settle for a love that is anything less.

Do not stay with someone out of fear; fear that you may never find someone else who will love you or fear that this is what you deserve.

If you are with someone who is jealous
Who does not trust you
Who is controlling of your life
Who does not respect you sexually
Who plays the blame game
Who makes you feel like you owe them something
Who does not support your goals and dreams
Who makes you feel insecure in your appearance
Who devalues your experiences
Who does not respect your opinions
Who abuses you physically, sexually, or emotionally
Who fits the warning signs of an abusive relationship
Move on, please.

Never let anyone rob you of yourself.

For help getting out of an abusive relationship call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233

Cover Image Credit: Impfashion

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it


Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

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To The Friend I Rarely See Anymore

I wish you nothing but the best.


When we graduated high school, we thought it was the end for us. The distance would ruin us and we wouldn't be able to call ourselves friends. Thankfully, you were my rock for the first year of school. You were the one I turned to when the adjustment was hard or when I needed someone to talk to and just listen. We never lost our connection for a whole year. We proved that nothing could pull us apart no matter how far the distance, no matter the different schedules. We were still best friends.

Another summer came and we only got stronger. We went on countless beach trips, late night hangouts, and Starbucks runs. I didn't even think it was possible to be this much closer to you than we already were. If we weren't together, we would Snapchat or text to never stop the conversation.

Now summer ended, we didn't think twice about losing our connection this time. We had a bond stronger than anyone could fathom. We once again went our separate ways and kept our texting and Snapchat habits.

But something changed.

It must've been the comfort level of sophomore year. It must've been all the new friends we got. It must have been the boys who entered our lives. We don't speak anymore. I haven't seen you since winter break. I haven't texted you since New Year's Eve. Our connection, one that was once thought to be indestructible, came crumbling down with sophomore year. I am not going to lie, sophomore year was the best of my life, but I knew you were missing the whole time. It wasn't the same without you.

I'm not upset you chose to focus your time and life on your new boyfriend. I am happy for you. I am not upset you spend more time with your school friends. I am happy for you. I am not upset you don't text me anymore and killed our streak. I know you're living a happy life. And I am too.

We may have gone our separate ways like we never imagined, but I am happy you are finally happy. Don't forget for one second that I will always be here for you. I will still always answer your text. I will still always be your shoulder to cry on even when no one else is there for you. I wish you nothing but the best, and I hope you're doing ok.

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