“Nice earrings,” she said.
“Oh, thanks!” I paused, struggling to return the compliment. “Nice hair.”
She stopped me and said with full meaning, “Just take the compliment.”
One very simple sentence that had the most profound effect on me that afternoon. One thing that I have struggled with as a drama major is receiving compliments. There have been many times when my friends have come to see a performance of mine and complimented me exceedingly, making me either want to compliment back them on their achievements or wanting reassurance from them that I did indeed do a good job. After this incident, I rethought the way I received compliments.
Think about what you personally do when you are complimented. I read this article the other day on accepting compliments(it’s an article for men, but I think it really pertains to everyone). Here’s the link in case you wanted to read it yourself.
In the article, the author discusses the ways in which we dismiss compliments. They all suggest one thing about the person doing the dismissal: that they have a lack of self-confidence. I think we can all agree it’s hard to accept a compliment because we don’t want to seem too arrogant and, yes, that can happen. Another thing the article touches upon, though, is that rejecting the compliment is to reject the other person.
When we respond with, “Oh, it was nothing,” or “I don’t think I did that well,” you are both dismissing their positive appraisal of you and devaluing yourself in their eyes. That’s detrimental to both parties.
I think you can see where this is going. As one of my history professor said to me and my classmates in the middle of another very slow class, “You guys are a disaster!”
No! I’m not judging. I just found that story to be very pertinent to my point, and also, I’m not saying I’m better than you and I don’t struggle with this. As you read before, I did. I still do. Last semester really kicked my butt with life lessons about self-confidence. I’m slowly but surely getting there.
Enough about me, let’s talk about you. You who’s reading this. Take the compliment. Accept it and accept that the person who gave you the compliment made a legitimate approval. Don’t worry that you may seem haughty or that you may not deserve it. Because you probably do deserve it. And that person deserves a thank you because they went out of their way to give you something. You’d be surprised how many people notice.
Now, so that I can feel as if I said something thought provoking, here’s a quote from J.R.R. Tolkien,
‘“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.
"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us."'
