If you haven't heard somebody say this about the Super Bowl over the past few days, then chances are you're either lying, or you were the one who said it. The truth is that in some circles (read: hip college students) it's a lot cooler to get excited about the ads than it is to get excited about the Super Bowl itself.

As much as I love making fun of college trends like these, I have to agree with my fellow advertising fans this time. While I did enjoy watching parts of the actual game, it was the multimillion-dollar commercials that kept me watching last night. The game itself may offer some excitement, but the advertising that comes with it is much more than that: it is a window into American culture. It is a compilation of entertaining vignettes which also doubles as the pinnacle of modern salesmanship. It is a fascinating portrait of corporate America and how it interacts with society as a whole.

That said, there were a couple of ads that didn't quite hit the mark for me. I watch advertisements in order to see what they reveal about our culture, and sometimes, they show me some pretty awful things.

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"The Bud Light Party."

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This one wouldn't bother me were it not so true. Here you have two celebrities who appear to be campaigning for Bud Light, one of the largest corporations in America. And hoards of people are cheering them on!

Who wouldn't want to live in a country that's ruled by a celebrity? And one in which the only thing that unites us is our love of cheap alcohol? And, most of all, one in which corporations have seemingly unlimited political power? These all seem like great--

Wait a minute, what's that? This sounds shockingly similar to the premise of the dystopian comedy "Idiocracy?" And it also sounds frighteningly close to the actual state of our country right now? Hmm...

"Unfiltered Talk" with T.J. Miller (Shock Top).

Well, what struck me about this one is that everything the orange says is true. The lone Shock Top drinker is conspicuously isolated from his fellow bar patrons, and even the beer's logo can't help but call him out for it.

I get what they were going for here: witty banter, with the implication that Shock Top is a beverage for brutally honest wise-talkers. Unfortunately, the banter is not as witty as it needs to be, and the ad leaves us instead with the idea that brutally honest wise-talkers will inevitably end up alone at the bar. Especially the ones who drink Shock Top.

Ultrasound ad (Doritos).

This one isn't a terrible commercial; it just hits a little bit too close to home. You see I, like many people my age, suffer from a crippling addiction to Doritos. People like me are no doubt the targets of this commercial.

The disturbing reality here is that Doritos actually are as addictive as this commercial portrays them to be. The same effect could be accomplished with a print showing me half-naked with all 10 of my fingers covered in orange dust, lying in the hallway of my dorm with an empty family-size Doritos bag nearby. Such is the reality of addiction.

As a side note, the one that compared us to a pack of hungry animals wasn't much better.

"Super Bowl Babies Choir."

This ad features a bunch of kids singing about their own conception in order to promote a major sporting event.

I feel like I don't need to say much about this one. It's just really weird. There are a lot of different age groups featured here; some are adults and some are children. I have to wonder: is it weirder for the adults, who know full-well that they're singing about their parents, who probably still had the taste of beer and chicken wings lingering in their breath, making sweet love after the home team's Superbowl win? Or is it weirder for the young kids, who will one day be old enough to realize what their adult counterparts have known all along?

"Avoid Distractions" (Cure Auto Insurance).

I'll be the first to admit that none of the commercials I listed above are actually that bad. Items five to two on this list are all decent (or even great) ads that I just enjoy making fun of. I even enjoy some of the products that those commercials are advertising.

This one, on the other hand, is an abomination. It is a foul stain on an otherwise great lineup of Super Bowl ads, and on the concept of advertising in general. I hate this commercial, and you should too.

I'm not even going to criticize it specifically, other than to say that it manages to a) objectify women, b) make light of death, the darkest and most fundamental of all human tragedies and c) not be funny, all in the span of a 30-second ad.

The Xifaxan guy.

This one might have seemed like an obvious choice for my bottom five, but I've actually grown to like this little dude over the past few weeks. Unlike most people, the Xifaxan guy seems genuinely happy with who he is (that is, a walking, anthropomorphic wad of an intestinal tract). I may be a little bit biased here, as I was lucky enough to have finished my dinner before the Xifaxan ad came on, but I still stand by my choice to exclude this one.