Dear Grandmother,
It's the day before Thanksgiving and I find myself thinking of you. Tomorrow I will go to a family gathering and you will not be there. I will not walk into your house and hear the sound of polka music or smell your country cooking. I will not be asked to help make the pie because 'it can't be made with love if you make it alone' and I will not get to baste the turkey with you standing next to me, telling where it needs more. Instead I will go to someone else's home. I will try to start a new tradition, one in a world that you are no longer apart of. I am trying to be strong. I am trying to not cry, but Grandma how am I supposed to do this without you? I have lost apart of my soul and I don't know how to face our family. I know they are hurting to, but Grandma it isn't the same.
I want to scream. I want to throw a fit and stomp my feet like a little girl whose been told no. Everyone says to be strong, and I'm trying to but it's so hard. You were always there and now I am alone. I have no one to call on my drive home from work. I have no one to ask how to get that wine stain out of my blouse. I have no one to tell that my son can say new words or do new things. I have no one who genuinely wants me to do those things anymore. My life is upside down. Everything that felt good now feels so wrong. God took you home, and I know you are with Grandpa there, but I'm still here.
It's the day before Thanksgiving and I find myself thinking of you. Tomorrow I will walk into a new kitchen and ask to help make the pie. I will tell them that 'it can't be made with love if it's made alone'. I will baste the turkey and ask my sister for help, showing her every spot that needs more. We will start a new tradition on the foundation of the ones we had with you. You taught me how to be strong. You taught me how to carry on and I will. I will not cry tomorrow. I will hold my head up high and look to you so that I can get through the day. I know that one day I will see you again and that we will make a Thanksgiving meal together.
Until tomorrow though, I will cry. I will shed a tear for you and place you hold in my heart. I will let myself feel all of the things you told me it was okay to feel. Tomorrow when we all sit down, ready to eat our meal, I will be asked what I am most thankful for and I will say it was knowing you.
With Endless Love,
Your Granddaughter
