Lord,

Tell me what to do when every action I take is subject to scrutiny,

When everywhere I turn, there's fire and I cannot choose

How I can proceed.

I don't know where else to go.

I need you and I trust in you, even when

I have doubt and even when I struggle to believe

Because I have no other choice, because one day this will all

Be over and I can look upon these circumstances with your ancient and omnipotent

Wisdom.


But now, Lord,

My insides, my soul and my heart are burning,

And a parasite is eating me away much as

Job did when you taunted Satan back in the day.

I am not Job, and it is arrogance to think

That in some way I don't deserve this,

That is some way I am an innocent of the world's hell,

For we are all guilty of being sinners

And it was only when I turned to realized I was, too

That I turned to you in need.


Lord,

Forgive me, a sinner.

I traverse the days ultimately unaware

If I could make it to the end without breaking down,

Succumbing to the weight of my neighbor's sorrow, of the anvils on my shoulders.

Sometimes I withdraw, press on the brakes, and do not allow myself to feel

The chains that bind me to not being able to move on.

Because I still have a life to live, work to do,

Money to make to survive, and I know, O my soul,

That sometimes suppression and looking the other way

Are just what I do and we all do to survive.


But, Lord,

I pray that in these moments alone and in solitude

I am able to break open the floodgates, let open the suppression,

And allow myself to suffer as Job, David, Peter, Paul, and your son did

I have read Paul's text of Romans, and I cannot proceed

Knowing I have pushed it all away, knowing that I have not allowed myself the gift of being your

Beloved son, of being human.


Lord,

Forgive me.

A sinner.