"If only you could sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person." -Fred Rogers
To the overthinkers and self-doubters of the world,
You are enough. You are loved. You are cared about more than you could ever possibly imagine. You are perfect just the way you are.
Of course, it's all easier said than done. I do not know about you, but as an avid overthinker and self-doubter, I often question my self-worth and my importance or role in the lives of others. I am beginning to realize just how many scenarios I am talking myself into and how many relationships I am fracturing in my mind.
The year 2020 has been a difficult one, but especially for us overthinkers and self-doubters. We often feel validated in our relationships, whether they be family related, friendships, or romantic, and the time spent with these important people. This whole social distancing thing has significantly impacted human connection and relationships of all kinds.
The kindest thing we can do for ourselves at this time is not take things so personally. Personal space is okay (and this remains true in times that are not associated with pandemic). Sometimes when we are not hearing from someone we love and care about, we worry and begin to question our worth. Sometimes when plans are canceled by someone we love and care about, we feel unwanted or unimportant. We cannot continue to associate our worth with the feelings, habits, and choices or another, nor can we take responsibility for those things in another.
Self-love is something us overthinkers and self-doubters need to practice and work on, especially in a time like this. The absence of someone has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the other person. Do not take this personally. Do not blame yourself for this. Do not attempt to overthink and overanalyze where things could have potentially gone wrong. You are creating a scenario or situation that did not happen and will likely never happen. In fact, 99% of the things we worry about, never actually happen. And even if for some odd reason the impossible were to happen, we must reevaluate what we have control of. At the end of the day, we are only in control of our own feelings, habits, and choices. We become what we tell ourselves. Positive self-talk is an important skill to practice and master. We must speak kindness to ourselves, so that we can in time spread it to others.
When someone you love and care about is taking a step back, sometimes it is because they too are fighting an internal battle. As humans we all struggle with something and have bad days. No matter how hard we try to turn the lemons of life into lemonade, there are going to be some sour ones that stick around and sneak up on us. Life is a cycle of highs and lows. It is okay and more than normal to have some lows and some worries in the crazy journey of life.
Despite all of the uncertainty in the world, the one thing that we can rest assured in is the control that we have of ourselves. We can overcome these lows and lessen the worries we have by building others up. It all starts with the decision to not take things personally. When we realize and understand that as humans, we all really value and desire similar things in life, we will then recognize the countless hours we spent worrying and overanalyzing were pointless.
When your cup is feeling empty and you having feelings or thoughts of being unwanted or unimportant, maybe it is time to consider the cup of your neighbor. Maybe we are all interconnected in some capacity and these personal feelings of doubt and worry influence the environment around us. Of course, we all know that on an airplane, we must put on our own oxygen mask first before helping a neighbor. However, while this remains true, maybe in times of excessive doubt, worry, and feelings of loneliness, we are simply being reminded to check-in with our loved ones and those we care about most. Maybe we too have been distant and removed from the lives of the ones we care about most. Maybe they are a waiting on for a sign to feel wanted, important, and cared for too.
Moral of the story: Always allow yourself to think and feel all emotions, but know which ones let go. Allowing the excessive worry and the "what-ifs" to stick around will continually take us away from the present moment, have us experiencing scenarios that would never happen, and question relationships that were always meant to be. When your is cup empty, check-in with your neighbors and loved ones. Maybe you are both in need of a refill that consists of quality bonding time, care, love, laughter, and reassurance.
Your truly,
An extreme overthinker and self-doubter
