This is a letter to the family that feels like I have left them all behind. I just want you guys to know that you never leave my mind no matter how far away I am. You guys are the reason why I am doing what I am doing.
I left home in order to move into my adult life. Maybe it is just a little too early but there comes to be a point where you have to begin to leave. I have barely finished my first year of college and in the fall I will be moving into a full year studying abroad in Germany. I know I have barely left as you guys still help me with a lot of my payments and long distance support. I know I left you guys upset. I know mom that you barely want to talk to me know. I can't really even message or talk to you without you being distant. Thank you Grammie for being the one person to listen and fully hear me out about everything between mom, dad, and you. You all called that for years eventually I was going to leave, you guys just did not think that it was going to be months before I would be abroad for a full year and that I would be living with my boyfriend two hours away.
What you guys do not know is the issues I have staying at home. The anxiety that comes with every moment walking into that house and waiting for all the questions of "where are you working", "do you have money", "why". This all affects me more than you would ever see.It comes with hearing that I'm not thinking of my family enough and that I should think more about my decisions. I was finally happy for once in my life with everything that has been going on and it continues the longer the time frame I am not home. I was finally thinking of myself first more than anyone else. I know it hurts you guys, but it hurts me even more. My brother left over two years ago and it is my time now too. I come into my boyfriend's home and I feel relief. Some days things are rough but that part of a committed relationship and moving on. Yes, I still deal with a crazy mother but she understands more than you guys do. It's not the most perfect home but its my halfway home for now. This is my time where I am learning to control my life as best as I can. Yes, it is costing me money that I could be saving by "living at home" as you guys says but it really doesn't. There's so much that someone learns when you do not live at home. You guys all learned this when you were younger but forget that other people do that at my age too. You guys just do not want to accept that I do not need to be there physically anymore and that I am not afraid to say it. I do not need guilt on my mind from you guys for doing what is best for me.
There is so much that you guys do not understand about me and I do not think that you guys ever will, no matter how much you think that you do know. There's only so much that I can explain but it does not make up for years of you guys not listening or actively being in my life aside from small questions. This is my point of acknowledging that and moving on.
Sincerely,
Your loving daughter and granddaughter.
