I'm not stupid. I'm not blind. I knew you were cheating. There were so many warning signs, so many that I ignored because I did not want it to be true. Coming home early from work and you are not there. Waking up in the middle of the night and you are not in the bed next to me. I did not want to believe it so I ignored the truth that was staring me dead in the eye. I thought I was crazy to look, afraid more of what I would find...

How could you cheat on me?

You said it best yourself, how DARE I think you are cheating, what makes me so awful to think that? I was the problem, not you. Right? I was the one who "forced" you to cheat on me. If only I had done everything you had asked mindlessly then maybe you wouldn't have had to cheat on me, right?

When I left I was no longer me, I was the abandoned, empty skeleton of a person you made me. When I looked in the mirror I no longer saw myself, I saw an absolutely sad, depressing, moron. When I looked back on those years I could barely recognize myself. I gave up friends, hobbies, and passions because you wanted me to. I was not me, I was the person you wanted me to be, but even that was not enough for you.

You have forever changed the way that I love.

It is going to be hard for me to love again. That sounds incredibly dramatic, I know that I will again but I know it is not going to be easy. I gave you the most intimate part of me and you destroyed it so how can I trust someone else The past two and a half years of my life were wasted on one hard lesson, do not let your love go easily. From the moment I found out my life changed, for the better of course but first I had to hit rock bottom. From this point forward it is going to take lots of time and patience and of course some ups and downs but I know it can only get better.

So here is my reality now.

I had to leave my home, I had to leave thousands of dollars in physical items and debt you put me in, but most importantly I had to leave my safe space. I had to cut up all my cards and accounts. I had to let go of your family, our friends, all who still love you but no longer get to love me. I had to let go of the memories, the comfort of another person and the safety I thought I had in you. I had to let go of the fact that I had another person to come home to, that I did not have to be alone like I now have to suffer through. I have to live with the fact that my life has been a lie. I have had to literally take pieces of my life and forget them, it has left me kind of empty and it is going to take time to feel whole again.

Things have gotten better. Each day is easier. Fortunately, you did not destroy all of my relationships so I have friends and family that are by my side. But one thing is for sure,

I will remember and recover; not forgive and forget.