Want to know what the hardest decision is to make?

Whether or not you should leave the person you love because for so long you've been so focused on their happiness that you have forgotten about your own.
You devote so much time to trying to make everything perfect, but eventually you get wore out and your world feels like its crashing down.

For some time now, as I have warned you I have pondered the thought of breaking up.I feel so often I tell myself that things will change and they never do, so often I try to act like things don't bother me and brush it off but it really consumes me and makes me sick to my stomach on several occasions.

I truly cannot continue to do this to myself, everyday I have expectations and I feel that we are drifting further and further away from those expectations. Looking back at where we started: trusting each other, hardly fighting, respecting each others opinions, putting forth mutual effort. It sad to say, but we are far from where we started, and even further from where I want and plan to be.
This is honestly heartbreaking to me because for so long I have tried. There have been times that I have tried to control situations because I know how they will negatively affect our relationship but in reality you continued to do what you want and I shouldn't have expected anything more. Recently I have been able to come to the realization that I do not have control over your actions, but I have also realized that I do have control over my happiness, and I have the ability to make changes in my life so that I do not have to feel sad often.
I have wanted nothing more than to be happy with you. You have been the love of my life for a year and a half now, and ever since we met we have designed our lives together. I personally never imagined that I would have built up the courage to do what I am about to do, because I have always had hope regardless of the situation.
For quite some time now, I have felt defeated as I have expressed a few times, but was not taken seriously. In order to not feel defeated, I have to not make excuses for the way you treat me at times, and I can no longer make excuses for the days you get mad and don't want to talk to me.
For months now, it seems as if this relationship has been continual games, and I can not keep up. I fear expressing how I feel because I am often called crazy, or out of my mind for expressing my feelings, and it seems so often that you call me crazy because my opinions or feelings do not align with yours and that is not acceptable.
If something I do or say isnt of your best interest I get the cold shoulder, either short responses or not response at all after I attempt to contact you several times. A healthy loving relationship works out their problems, if there is something that takes place it is talked about, not ignored, pushed to the side hoping that it will resolve itself beause in the end it only adds up.
This is not healthy, and I cannot keep putting my all into a relationship that is mentally and emotionally hurting me. I can no longer hold promises when the person I am with calls me crazy for getting upset when he can't keep one. I can no longer deal with this double standard relationship meaning that you can do things that I can't. It is easy for you to say that you do not get mad when I go out and drink with friends but almost every occasion that I do so, you are short or don't respond, and accuse me of false assumptions the following day.
I want to be loved for who I am, I do not want to fear sharing my opinion on things that upset me, I do not want to make excuses for your wrong doings, I do not want to act like it doesn't bother me that I literally do everything in accordance with you and do not get the same in return.
I am not okay, and I have not been okay. I have not expressed how I have felt for some time now because I fear the hurtful words you may say about me or about my past before you. I fear that you'll just make excuses for your wrong doings or try to act as if I do the same thing.
To conclude I want you to know one thing: in order to be a better person and to learn from our mistakes, we have to own up to our mistakes or our wrong behavior. We cannot make excuses or try to act like its okay because other people do it. If you cannot own up to your mistakes your relationships will never work because there will never be improvement.
& remember that I am not perfect, I have my faults, and have made several mistakes, but I have promised that I will always own up to them and I always have tried to improve myself from each mistake I have made, and that is proven through my actions as I have not made the same mistake twice.
It is easy to say things will change, but its only true if your actions speak in accordance with your words. I love you a lot, and I just want you to know how I have been hurting, and I hope that someday you will be able to respect the way I feel and be open to other viewpoints other than your own..