Now a week ago I started my sophomore year, and it's already been so busy and jam packed full of places i needed to be. In the past week, I have...
-Auditioned for a musical
-Auditioned for the showcase
-Fixed old friendships
-Didn't get cast for said musical
-Got cast for the showcase
-Became friends with a german exchange student named Caroline
-Have taken 5 tests and benchmarks
-Have drank a LOT of water
-Celebrated my dear friends sweet 16
-Started learning the 19/20 show choir show
Above all that, I have fought the thoughts of most of my friends graduating and myself going into my junior year all alone. along with realizing I will have to know what i want to do for the rest of my life in less than 2 years, knowing my current job isn't where I want to be for years on end. Yes, I know. how dramatic. but hearing the words "college", "career", and "taxes" every day for 8 hours becomes overwhelming! hearing the words "it's not because you're not talented", "do not take it personally", "thank you for your time, Im sorry" is oddly very heart shattering.
Now don't think I’m complaining about this past week. It’s already been so fun, outside of the rejection and sadness. The rollercoaster of emotions I have felt in the past week has made me very emotionally drained and tired. But the one thing that has remained constant is Christ. God has showed me so much in this past week that i never saw coming, and I guess that's the beauty of his love. It's so unpredictable and you notice it in the most random situations. Never give up on Christ and what he can do for you, I promise he knows what he's doing. Even if you don't know what he's doing.
Here I am now, in 2020.
And... everything that was said up above... The only thing that has remained the same... Is Christ.
Since August when I wrote that letter, I have...
-Lost all my friends. Those who I have poured my heart into for years. Gone.
-Attempted to rekindle those friendships
-Realized that those people don't care, or want my presence.
-Realized that I TRULY am going into junior year alone.
-Had to learn to be okay with the thought of loneliness
-Had the 19/20 Show Choir season striped from under my feet.
-Those musicals I auditioned for... Pushed into 2021.
And so much more. 2020. The year of hurt, sickness, pain, struggle, power, hate. Yet, aside of a global pandemic and a civil rights movement, everyone is struggling with an inner battle. Most of the time, we are scared to voice how we are feeling because the world is in trouble. Our problems seems so unimportant right now. Right? Wrong.
What you're feeling is okay. Process it. Learn to express how you feel without shame. Protect your heart.
Grow. The Kylee in August had no idea this is where she would be right now. Absolutely none. But... Here we are. Life throws us curveballs that we didn't see coming. Swing anyway. Keep fighting. Rely on Christ. He's still got ya. I promise.