Its funny isn't it? You spend your entire childhood wishing, hoping, and dreaming of how magical adult life will be. You plan and plan and plan this perfect little life, but it doesn't ever end up actually happening. Something about that is very funny to me. Maybe its my weird and twisted humor that is driving that train, but I think its solid comedy. As much as we plan things as well as we can, they never actually are the plans that end up happening.
I guess you could say that's why it lead me here. I planned everything. If you ask anyone that has known me for the last 22 years, I said I would be married or at least engaged by the time I was 22. I look at that sentence now and I can't believe I said that. I'm 22 and the idea of being married is just about the most daunting thing I've ever heard. I used to plan on the whole long term boyfriend thing through college while also being a sorority girl. Topped off with being one of those DIY Pinterest girls who eat their greens and wake up at 6 in the morning for a run and follow that up by making their own iced coffee at home.
My life, didn't follow those plans in the slightest. I am not, nor have I ever been in a relationship. I never joined a sorority, and to put it bluntly if you made me wake up at 6 in the morning and go for a run AND make my own coffee, I'd laugh in your face. I did absolutely nothing of what my young and naive self planned for my early twenty's. The good thing is, plans change, and whether I like it or not I have to be okay with that. Growing up I had big plans, and I mean big. As years went by, those plans turned into dreams, and dreams slowly faded away into a pipe dream. Nothing wrong with plans changing, I just need to find a new plan.
My current plan is absolutely nothing. Stuck in a rut if you will. I miss the girl that used to have crazy unrealistic dreams and plans. She was fun, vibrant, and nothing stopped her from going out there and doing the damn thing. Things have changed and keep changing around me, but the girl that used to plan and dream needs to come back. I find my peace when I write. It sometimes feels like the only place where my thoughts matter and make sense, and that I have a purpose. My new hope is that starting this is going to jump start me into what I used to do so well. As corny as it sounds, I just want to be a dreamer again. I want that girl that used to make crazy plans to come out again. Maybe starting writing these articles can be my first step to really finding my thing. I've never actually published my thoughts like this, but I figure if there's a time to start, might as well be when I have not a single plan in my head. For now, I'm just gonna plan on a fresh start, and hope that through writing and publishing, I can find that girl I used to be. I know deep down she's in there, just gotta make her feel alive again.
