***** WARNING: GOSSIP GIRL SPOILERS *****

Hey Upper East Siders.

I’m probably a lot like you. I watched and rewatched the Gossip Girl series until I couldn’t hear Kristen Bell’s voice in Frozen without imagining Dan Humphrey typing her every line in his adorably decrepit apartment.

And I love Gossip Girl. Passionately.

And as a lover of the show, I have to be supportive of Chuck and Blair, right?

Which don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I’m not as obsessed with them (and their adorable little suit wearing child) as the next fangirl, but there’s a super irritating voice in the back of my head constantly bugging me about something.

This voice is always loudly pointing out to me that if I took the show just a tiny bit more seriously, Chuck Bass would completely and totally destroy me. He would ruin me for any future relationship I might have.

Oh, was that the sound of you taking up arms against me to fight for the honor and integrity of Chuck Bass?

That’s fine, I understand. But level with me for a minute here. Tell me that Chuck Bass didn’t almost ruin you in all of these ways.

1. When he went from this:

To this.

Are you kidding me Chuck?

In season one it was so easy to write you off as Nate’s creepy awkward looking friend who was a total asshat. But as time went on and you went from creepy to decent to hot to sexier than I had ever imagined a man could be, it was second nature to ignore your total douchery.

And beyond that, how can any man ever live up to how well you did puberty?

2. Every single time he did this.

Oh are you? I hadn’t realized.

3. And this.

4. Oh God and we can’t forget this.

5. Every time he made me think expensive gifts for no reason were normal.

Nobody can do that. Nobody. Stop it Chuck Bass. Just stop.

I mean, some people can. But there are so few people who are wealthy enough to roll up with a dozen ponies, expensive chocolates, and a diamond (or 7) just because he’s feeling spontaneous.

6. Every time he was so confident that my self-control melted.

I mean come on. Who isn’t attracted to a little bit of confidence?

P.S. I'll write a book about you Chuck... No shame.

7. Every time he let/made Blair save him.

If you’re in a relationship where you constantly feel like you need to save the other person, it’s probably not healthy. Chuck was constantly drunk, getting in fights, and doing all other sorts of things because of his (ridiculously unhealthy, let’s be honest) relationship with Blair.

And when those things blew up in his face, what did he do? He spiraled out of control until Blair pulled him back together in one way or another. This romanticized idea of that kind of relationship isn’t something that should be normalized or encouraged.

No one should think that a good, healthy relationship involves pulling someone back to safety every week or two.

8. When he said things like this.

“Yeah, we have a ridiculously unhealthy relationship, and I’ve consistently been the actual worst person ever to you, but we’re meant to be together. None of the problems we have or anything else like that can come between us because we belong together and we’ll end up together no matter what.”

Solid.

9. When he made it seem like it was okay to be a total jerk, as long as you made a 180 degree switch, bought expensive gifts, and said a certain three words, eight letters.

I mean really.

This is probably the most valid reason that Chuck Bass almost ruined me. This isn’t realistic. And it’s not healthy.

Saying I love you and buying gifts doesn’t fix the huge problems in your relationship. And unfortunately, people don’t just change for the better because they realize that they love someone and that they need to treat them a certain way.

Chuck Bass started off as an inherently flawed and abusive character, and throughout the series he showcased it pretty consistently. Don’t get me wrong, I realize all of this, and still love him. But in real life, Chuck Bass would be an extremely dangerous person to be in a relationship with. Saying and doing the right things when it’s convenient doesn’t make the terrible things he did okay.

Bottom line: in real life, Chuck and Blair’s relationship wouldn’t be plausible or healthy. And for those of us who fell for Chuck Bass and lived to tell the tale, it’s just important to keep in mind that as much as Gossip Girl is a part of us, it is just a show, and he is just a character in a dream universe.

And a frequent character in all of our dreams. No judgment.

But here's a shock. You deserve better than Chuck Bass. I promise.