It's no lie that comedians are meant to make people laugh. Unfortunately, because of this, we often don't take comedians seriously. Listen closely though -- they can give some sage advice hidden in their funny jokes.
1. On steroids and race in baseball:
"We'll put an asterisk next to Bonds' name sure, as soon as we put one next to Babe Ruth's name. Getting to break records before black people were allowed to play...excuse me, where is that asterisk?" - Daniel Tosh
2. On bridge t(r)olls:
"To top if all off, on the ticket, it said I was fined for not having an appropriate method of payment. Really? What adjective would I describe a MasterCard as a method of payment? I don't know, appropriate seems to come to mind." - Dan Cummins
3. On safety measures in elementary schools:
"You know they don't let you run in the hallways, that's too dangerous. Instead, sweetie, walk into the gym and climb 850 feet straight in the air." - Gary Gulman
4. On surprise parties:
"I think surprise parties are weird. I came home to my house and you guys emerged from my furniture. You don't have to tell me how to feel." - Demetri Martin
5. On camping:
"If it's so great outside, why are all the bugs trying to get inside my house?" - Jim Gaffigan
6. On the "Crocodile Hunter":
"I got mad when I heard this lady on TV saying that he taught us a lot about nature and it was like no he didn't really teach us a lot about nature...'Crocodile Hunter'? No, every episode: 'Look over there, it's a tiger. That tiger weighs 800 pounds and can kill a man in 10 seconds; I'm gonna touch it.'" - Gabriel Iglesias
7. On sandwiches:
"I eat a lot of sandwiches but I hate sandwiches at New York Delis. Too much fucking meat on the sandwich -- it's like a cow with a cracker on either side" - Mitch Hedberg
8. On school projects:
"One kid with a volcano...didn't even know how to zip up his own pants, but he could build a volcano" - Brian Regan
9. On white privilege:
"Here's how great it is being white: I can get in a time machine and go to anytime and it would be f**king awesome when I get there." - Louis C.K.
