Working at a restaurant can be both rewarding and stressful for servers. I’ve been in the service industry for almost six years now, rotating from a waitress to a bartender and recently back to the waitress. Since starting at my current job, I’ve realized how many people are uneducated on what it ACTUALLY means to be a server, and I’ve taken this opportunity to enlighten and hopefully ignite some sort of change.

1. The average pay for a server in the United States is $5.01.

The reason for choosing a sit-down restaurant in comparison to fast food is quality of food and service. Coming to a sit-down restaurant, there are expectations that you, as a guest, expect us as restaurant staff to meet. While we are here to serve you 100%, we also are at work to make money. Servers don’t make minimum wage, and we rarely see a substantial dollar amount on our paychecks. The word “tip” is actually an acronym for “to insure promptness/performance,” and leaving a decent tip for your server is always appreciated and remembered. On the same note, servers NEVER forget the faces of a bad tipper. Don’t be “that customer” that’s remembered for the wrong reason. Take home message, tip your server 20% (or more) if they did their job and made your experience at their restaurant great.

2. We are not psychics, at least not usually.

I work at a restaurant with at least 20 servers, and I know that none of us can read minds. If you’re having a problem, let us know so we can fix it. The worst thing you can do as an unsatisfied guest is not tell us what’s wrong and leave without addressing your problem. As a guest, communicate your problems, because we are far too busy with everything going on to pick up on body language. Don’t wait until after you’ve paid to ask the host to get the manager; this doesn’t give us the chance to improve your experience, whether it's getting you new food, taking something off your bill, giving you a complimentary dessert, or something as simple as refilling the soap in the bathroom.

3. We aren’t dogs.

Be aware of your surroundings and recognize that even if you may REALLY need something, if I’m talking to another table, yelling my name, beating on the table, clapping, touching/grabbing me, or snapping at me isn’t the way to get my attention. I cannot express enough that as servers we are here to serve you, but with that being said, we are servers, not servants. For a server, there is no customer worse than one who is disrespectful and ignorantly impatient.

4. Split your check the right way, the first time.

Typically, servers will ask you (especially if you have a large party) immediately after greeting you how your check will be split up. Knowing in advance to food orders, even drink orders, how a check is going to be split up helps the entire experience go smoothly for the server, and in turn for you. As I stated earlier, we don't mind readers and getting upset with us when you’re ready to leave and you all of a sudden need fifteen different checks, is extremely counter-productive.

5. Please don’t camp, unless you tip accordingly.

Let me begin by defining what “camping” means. Once you have finished your meal, paid, and have basically told your server that you “don’t need anything else”, you’re camping. Personally, I don’t mind when people camp in my section, if they tip accordingly, but if you aren’t planning on doing such, then please move your conversation to either the bar, or the parking lot. Because servers make money by tip, therefore by table, by hogging a table for hours on end, you hinder anyone else who could be sitting there (and tipping), from being able to do so.

6. We don’t mean to offend when we ask for ID.

Asking for ID is a law. If you are under 40, you’re supposed to be carded. In my opinion, it should be viewed as a compliment that you’re either over 40 or just older in general and look like a 20 something-year-old. Giving major attitude and huffing about how inconvenienced you are because I asked for your ID is unnecessary and inappropriate. Servers that ask for ID are only trying to A. make sure that you’re old enough to consume alcohol and B. make sure you’re not a police officer on a sting operation.

7. If you’re in a rush, tell us as soon as you’re greeted.

I speak directly from personal experience on this fact. If you are trying to catch a movie or have other obligations immediately after dinner (or lunch), please let your server know this as soon as they get your drink order. Allowing us to leave the table and get your drink may result in us printing a check for another table, or grabbing an appetizer for the table next to you, all while you’re waiting for us to return with drinks. It's unfortunate for you to have to wait for us to come back, especially when you’re ready, but once again, we're not mind readers. Communicate that you’re in a rush and your needs will be met accordingly.

8. Control your children.

Servers mean this in the best possible way. If you have a small child, it is in the best interest of your child’s safety for them to remain in their seat or at your table at all times unless on a bathroom trip. At my current restaurant, we have a huge fish tank that children and adults of all ages tend to gravitate to, which is okay because it’s not directly in the way. Allowing your children to run around the restaurant could prove to be catastrophic if someone exiting the kitchen with a large tray doesn’t see them coming. With hot food, or even drinks from the bar, it can be hard to navigate as it is in a busy restaurant with just the staff moving around. Adding unexpected and unpredictable children to the equation only makes it harder for us to do our job well and take the best care of you and your children while you’re dining at our restaurant.

9. We’re are humans too, with feelings and bad days.

If a guest comes into our location having a bad day, it is our job to do the best that we can at making sure we did what we could to make that guest’s day better than it was when they walked in. Recognizing that it’s a servers job to make people happy is very considerate of any guest especially when servers are having bad days. As I mentioned before, serving is our job, therefore, ultimately we’re there to make money. For example, if our dog passed away or if our child was up all night, we still have to come to work that day because life doesn’t stop for tragedy, nor do bills. It can be very stressful coming into work and dealing with problematic and inconsiderate guests when you got no sleep the night before or had something tragic happen to you recently. Understanding all the things I listed above can prevent any tension between you as a guest and your server. Therefore, making your experience at a restaurant, even with a server who is having a not so great day, a good one.

As a seasoned server, I’ve dealt with all kinds of people both good and bad and I’ve learned that to be successful in this industry you have to take the good days along with the bad, or you’ll go crazy. Servers are there to help you and to make your experience the best it can possibly be. We want you to be happy; we want your kids to be happy, and when you’re all happy, we’re happy. Let us tell you our name and ask you how you’re doing today, don’t cut us off with "DIET COKE", when we’re trying to be nice to you. Our goal every day is to build relationships with our guests, both regular and traveling. We want to leave positive impressions of our restaurants and ourselves on all of our guests. On the other hand, we also don’t want to pull our hair out in the bathroom stall in between checking on you and running food. If you keep the things I explained above in mind while out dining, you’ll make your servers life A LOT easier, and in turn, I guarantee you’ll have an amazing and enjoyable dining experience.