9 Things You Shouldn't Say to a Grieving Person!
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

9 Things You Shouldn't Say to a Grieving Person!

Though you may think you are helping, it may unintentionally make things worse!

2186
9 Things You Shouldn't Say to a Grieving Person!
Pick the brain

After losing my mother last year, even though I was amazed with a lot of support, there were also people who didn't understand how I really felt. Top of that, some were even rude about it. I am going to write a list of things which you shouldn't say to a grieving person.

1) "I know things aren't fine at the moment, but everything will be fine soon"

This is the one thing that grievers don't want to hear, because it is a huge loss which will take a long time to heal. Best thing to say would be "Sorry for your loss, please take care of yourself."

2) "She is with you"

At that time the griever is experiencing nothing but sadness and a huge void. For them at the moment, they feel that dead people just leave, they are nowhere. Sure they are there in spirit, but that doesn't ease the pain.

3) "At least she is in a better place"

Indeed she is no longer suffering and is in peace, but that doesn't mean it will make the pain any different. Best thing to say would be "I am sorry you are suffering."

4) "I know how you feel"

I would understand if it was coming from someone who had also lost a loved one, but if it was coming from someone who hadn't experienced any of it, then it isn't right, because you don't really know how the griever would be feeling. Best thing to say would be "I may not understand your situation, but I am here to listen."

5) "If there is anything, please let me know"

Best thing to say would be "How about I come there? How about I help you with food, water, cleaning etc.?" Or just give a call. Grievers need someone to just be there with them. They are in a state where they can't accept open offers.

6) "You are handling this better than I expected"

It does sound like a motivation but even if that's the case, the griever is still going through struggles to keep up with their life. Best thing to say would "I understand you may not be feeling great, but it's ok."

7) "What are you doing in college? How can you study? You should be at home, crying!"

This I would consider is the worst thing to say to a griever. Sure they lost a loved one, but that doesn't mean one cannot do the things they love. Saying this would actually lower the griever's feelings and self-esteem. Saying this would not help someone move on from this trauma. Sure they may not do their best, but they are trying and they want to do well. Best thing to say would be "Let me know if you need any kind of help in your studies, I want to see you succeed." Because just with a lot of support and understanding, a griever can do really well.

8) "She would have wanted this way"

First of all, how would others know how their loved ones would have wanted the grievers to be? Only the grievers know what their loved ones would have wanted. Enacting the loved one would only make them feel worse. So a suggestion to the grievers, honor them the way you feel they would like, because only you know!

Lastly,

9) "It's been a while, you need to move on and talk about something else"

This is another worst thing to say to a griever. Losing a loved one is a huge trauma which would take a while to heal. There is so much they would have wanted to tell their loved ones, there is so much they would have wanted to spend time with them, but they never got the chance. It won't be easy for them to just move on and talk about something else. So the best thing to say would be "You must really miss he/she. Tell me more about her/him."


My mom's death impacted me a lot. It was first time I felt a loss. I got over deaths of other people quickly, but this one took me a while, I mean I was extremely close to her, so it won't take a while. I faced all of these comments over this period. I know some weren't just sure what to say and they just wanted to help, but these comments weren't really helpful. Though your intention may be right, your comments might unintentionally make things worse. There were some who were really rude, well all I can say is try seeing yourself at their situation, and hope you get peace and better understanding of things. I just felt I should share this list of things, so that you get a clearer idea on what and how to say and what not to say to someone who is grieving for a loved one. To all those who have given me immense support, really want to thank you all!


Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

Why I Don't Believe In Religion

I used to be comfortable with religion, but now I'm uncomfortable.

1875
Rebecca Jarrett

I’m not one of those people who doesn’t believe in God because“if there was a God, why would He let such horrible things happen?” Saying that because sometimes bad things happen, there must be no benevolent higher power, to me, makes about as much sense as saying that because sometimes it gets dark, there must be no light.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

In Honor Of Mental Health Awareness Month

An open discussion on how much we need an open discussion on mental health awareness

3337
Ashley Wen

Odyssey recognizes that mental well-being is a huge component of physical wellness. Our mission this month is to bring about awareness & normality to conversations around mental health from our community. Let's recognize the common symptoms and encourage the help needed without judgement or prejudice. Life's a tough journey, we are here for you and want to hear from you.

Keep Reading... Show less
6 Confessions Of The Celibate Christian Girl In College
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bb2e_E-Hht5zoyCPBvqeHTMT91WxQwNcv34Iyg0/?taken-by=thejaniyawinchester

Do you endure a lot of persecution as a Christian but remember when you decided you wanted to "be like Christ"?

Didn't Christ suffer persecution? Didn't he suffer people talking about him, betraying him, determined to misunderstand him, and hate him?

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

15 Affirmations To Remember During Mental Health Awareness Month

Let's lift each other up, because we are not our thoughts.

7749
15 Affirmations To Remember During Mental Health Awareness Month

Odyssey recognizes that mental well-being is a huge component of physical wellness. Our mission this month is to bring about awareness & normality to conversations around mental health from our community. Let's recognize the common symptoms and encourage the help needed without judgement or prejudice. Life's a tough journey, we are here for you and want to hear from you.

It's a topic that needs to be talked about way more than it should, especially in today's world: mental health. Whether it be anxiety, depression or O.C.D. (or anything, really), we have come to learn as a society that it's okay- and even more beneficial than you think- to openly talk about experiencing what almost everyone does inside the complex mind.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

We Must Speak Up For Abortion Rights Despite The Supreme Court's Intentions

A leaked document revealed the Supreme Court intends to vote on overturning Roe v. Wade.

7469
We Must Speak Up For Abortion Rights Despite The Supreme Court's Intentions
https://twitter.com/TRF_Stories/status/1523595310593110016

When Amy Coney Barrett was sworn in by the Supreme Court, she insisted overturning Roe v. Wade wasn't on her agenda. That landmark case made it possible for pregnant people across America to legally choose whether to have an abortion. There are many reasons a person would want to terminate their pregnancy. Money, age, health and sexual assault are just some of the reasons a person would choose to get an abortion.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments