Hi, I’m Jess Jacobs, and I’m a straight girl. Since I attend a semi-urban liberal arts college that excels in the fine arts, people of my orientation are in the minority. There’s a lot of stereotypes out there about what it means for a woman to be heterosexual, and many of them are far from the truth. I’m here to debunk those myths and bring to light the truth about straight girls. These are real questions from people right here on campus, and my responses. I hope you learn a lot!
1. “Do you wear flannel a lot because you’re gay?”
This is oxymoronically both an extremely common stereotype and one of the easiest to disprove. I mean, tons of people wear flannel. Hipster girls, country boys, Silicone Valley CEO’s, my divorced aunt, cool dogs. Scottish people, probably. The list goes on and on.
2. “I thought you moved in using a UHaul?”
Hardee, har har. Sure lesbian couples are famous for moving in quickly, but UHaul has been around since 1945, which is much longer than lesbians have been around. I think it’s, like, twice as long. Maybe a little less. I had trouble googling how long lesbians have been around, but since Ellen is like 60 I’ll go with that.
3. “What are your thoughts on Orange is the New Black? Or the L word? Or Pitch Perfect? Buffy?”
Look, watching and enjoying shows that happen to feature lesbians doesn’t change who I am. I know lots of men who watched Glee, Sherlock, or the Captain America movies who aren’t gay at all. Do I enjoy the sapphic scenes from Game of Thrones? Yes. Have I rewatched them multiple times each? Yes. But that doesn’t mean I’m gay! The strange feeling in my gut is from trying to decipher all of these complicated political games. Darn those Lannisters!
4. “Are you and your roommate dating?”
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This comes from a systemic assumption that women can’t be close to each other, and let me tell you, I am done with it! Women can be affectionate towards each other, emotionally and physically, without it having any implications about their sexualities.
5. “Jess, are you attracted to women?”
Really? Well, I’m glad you asked rather than assuming. I mean, I feel like I’ve been pretty clear-
6. “It’s not some random question, Jessica. I saw you making out on the Quad with Clarissa last night. Neither of you were drunk or anything, it was like 4 pm.”
That- that was, it was a single- you did say Clarissa, right?
7. “Yes? Does that make a difference?”
Then yes. It was...one time.
8. “Sweetheart, we’re happy for you however you are, we just want to make sure that you are being honest with yourself. Don’t feel like you need to use any labels or anything, just try to be open to whatever comes your way, ok?”
Wow. To think that, in this day in age, a woman cannot maintain a close relationship with another woman. Apparently, they can’t hug, kiss, sleep with, or enjoy a long term living arrangement with that person without random people making up rumors. For the last time, I’m straight.
9. “If you’re straight, why do you have a girlfriend?”
I think we’re done here.
