Life was good. I was getting eight hours of sleep, consistently working out, finding time to read and generally being a wonderful human being. And then it hit me. Out of the blue and all at once with staggering force: the Netflix Binge.
This wasn’t a cutesy, one-time rom-com or life altering documentary ("Blackfish," "Food Inc.," etc. – I’m looking at you). No, this was a full on attack by 12 seasons of captivating television entertainment, most likely created by the queen herself, Shonda Rhimes.
The Netflix Binge is no rare occurrence and you’ve most likely tangoed with it at one point or another. If your experience is anything like mine, you always start off thinking, this time it will be different. This time I will control myself when there’s an unbelievably suspenseful cliffhanger, I will limit the amount of episodes I watch in a day, and most importantly, I will not allow myself to go so deep as to pretend the show is real and that I live alongside my beloved characters in their twisted storylines (that last one might just be me).
Despite these declarations, I inevitably find myself routinely navigating through the same stages of the Netflix Binge. At least there’s consistency in some part of my life! I now present you with the nine stages of the Netflix Binge, interpreted through my own recent experiences:
1. Relaxation
Finally, I have a bit of free time to sit down and take a load off. Perhaps I shall see what’s new on Netflix.
2. Excitement
What’s that? A notification that new "Grey’s Anatomy" episodes have been added? Neat! I haven’t watched the show since the binge watch of 2015, hopefully I’ll still enjoy it.
3. Hooked
It’s only been five minutes and I’m obsessed (again).
4. Denial
This can’t really be the fourth episode already? Well, it’s a one-time, special treat for myself, totally normal. I can stop anytime I want. Besides, what’s a little lack of sleep every now and then?
5. Entranced
The plot is amazing, characters keep doing unpredictable things and I just can’t stop watching. I subconsciously start to feel as if the story is part of a reality, like I actually know the characters (I can’t be the only one this happens to, I bet most of you laughed at Chandler Bing’s jokes as if he was a close, personal friend).
6. Guilt
Daw gonnit! It is a perfectly sunny day and the world is my oyster. I could be doing so much more with my time, energy and brain cells. Do I want to watch another episode, auto-play? Yes. Go. NOW. Play it before my dignity kicks in.
7. Acceptance
Alright. Damage has already been done. There’s no going back but there is an end to this season. I’ll make it a priority to finish the series as soon as possible (as if it isn’t already) so that I can go back to being a wonderful human being.
8. Relief
The season finale was killer and I’m almost sad that there aren't any more episodes to watch. At least I've finished them all now! Finally, back to socialization, the outdoors and well, society as a whole.
9. Relapse
I get back from the gym after a refreshingly efficient day – time for a little relaxation. I start up my good pal Netflix, and after a quick browse through the oh-so-clever “recommended for you section” I make a selection of a promising new series. Crap.
