First let me say start by saying that I'm a hypercritical, hypersensitive personality who is riddled with doubt (and often guilt) most of my days about things I do or don't do right. I worry too much. I'm working on this. The world is much bigger than me. It's a work in progress. I digress. If you're not one of these people you should think about reading something else. Particularly if you're the ain't-nobody-gonna-tell-me-what-to-do type.
One day in the midst of my deep introspection it occurred to me all the reasons I shouldn't text my boyfriend, now husband, while he's at work. Or anyone else for that matter if "husband" doesn't apply to you. Ponder these 9 reasons why not to text your significant other here...
1. Context is key.
While I'm a writer I barely know how to be articulate with just one sentence. Like the wise Mark Twain once said in a postscript after writing a long letter to a friend "I'm sorry for the lengthy note but I didn't have time to write a short one." I need space for context, like this article, to develop meaning behind the words. Short of "we need milk" no text is going to have the same context as it would if I was to say it to one's face with a smile, or frown or steam blowing out of my ears. Take your pick. But more on that later.
2. It builds up anticipation.
There was a time early on when my then boyfriend and I texted non-stop throughout the day. There was this fresh excitement and newness of getting to know one another and let the other person know that they were constantly on my mind. Oh, the joys of a budding relationship. Now married, the chase is over. We'll still like each other just as much but not texting him allows anticipation to build about seeing one another and talking to one another after our days finally join again on the couch or in the kitchen. Texting throughout the day basically becomes a spoiler alert for the banter of that evening. Who wants that?
3. It’s distracting.
Welcome or not I don't like thinking that I'm distracting him from his duties at work. Sometimes I preface my texts with "sorry to bother you at work but..." to which he kindly replies that I'm never a bother. Nonetheless, I'm proud of my husband for all the effort he puts in his job and how hard he works to be successful. I would hate to think I'm getting in the way of that. What I'm not saying here is that he's going to pay attention to me to the same degree he cares about me which is a lot. I like it that way. I wouldn't want to dilute the text pool to be the boy who cried wolf. In the words of our friend, he demands "let me live!"
4. Texting is truly awful when you think about it.
It is void of any intonation or emphasis. They don't even have italics for Pete’s sake. It's a limiting medium for sure. I know my husband dislikes texting for this very reason but this point plays into my other one. The one where my nervousness of wrongdoing goes rampant and I'm not there to see him receive this message neurosis so it must be bad. The very nature of texting often lends itself to confusion. Will he know I was kidding? or just saying? or trying not to sound demanding and needy? I'll never know. Worst of all what about those hilarious moments you miss when you don't get to see the person laugh at the funny thing you said?
5. Worry free.
There was a point in my dating life where I trembled with my finger over the send button. Texting my then boyfriend (now husband!) was wrought with danger. I wanted so badly to let him get to know me, and I him, but see 4 above. I'll say this - now that he's my husband and not boyfriend my once sky-high anxiety has turned low-grade fear. If you're still in the dating phase, do yourself a favor and wait until you're absolutely confident about the kind of person you have on the other end of the phone before you send any iffy messages.
6. Littera Scripta Manet.
Latin for the written word remains. We live in this world of electronics and data backups where nothing is really lost. Though I'm not planning on it, were I to be elected to higher office I would hate for the depths of my text threads to come out from my opponent. It is, after all, a faceless medium. How bold we are to say things in text we would never say in person.
7. Handwritten notes are just as permanent and so much better than screenshots.
Gone are the days of writing hand written notes to each other. All mail is now awful - either bills or spam. Unless it's my birthday I never anticipate something worthwhile to show up there. There once was a time though where people sat down, pen in hand, and wrote someone something more meaningful than a one liner and smiley face. No matter how nice the text was going to be I would always rather come home to a surprise written note instead. Also, see number 8 below but twist it to the positive. Handwritten notes are just as permanent and so much better than screenshots.
8. Spoken word can be incredibly powerful to boosting one’s moral.
I've committed to paying people more compliments. I'm not always great at it but while I'm paralyzed with fear at the possibility of my wrong doing (or saying) wouldn't it be nice to hear occasionally a genuine positive thought from another person? In the same way that's true, it follows that a hand-written note or the spoken word can be incredibly powerful to boosting one’s moral. I would rather wait to pay even the best of compliments in person where the moment becomes more real and shared. An event even.
9. I'm busy too, you know?
Maybe I don't have time to text. Maybe I'm too busy trying to save the world and cure cancer. Or at least that's what you'll think when I never text you. Save the sad truth for when we see each other next. Until then, the illusion of my rich (face-to-face) social life and important work demands remain.
10. As a bonus, if you need another reason -Autocorrect.
My husband's brother is somewhat of a beer aficionado and early in our engagement, I was talking to his brother about beer for a while on Facebook messenger. I texted my fiance "I'm chatting with your brother" which autocorrected to "I'm cheating with your brother." Is there really anything else to add here?
