Kylie Jenner once said, “this year is really about, like, the year of just realizing stuff. And everyone around me, we’re all just, like, realizing things.” While she could have gotten her message across in a thousand more effective ways, she was right. Every year brings light to things we did not realize before and one of the best and most painful parts of aging is the wisdom that accompanies it. For me, this year has been a year of just like, realizing stuff, and one of the most important things I’ve realized is the difference between true, genuine friendship and artificial “friendship.”
Here are nine types of people I can guarantee you will be far better off without:
1. The User
Friendship, like any other relationship, is just as much about giving as it is taking. Needless to say, someone who only calls you and wants to see you when it is beneficial for them is not someone you need to keep around. It may not be obvious at first but after awhile, you can easily detect the pattern and once you do, you should cut ties because someone who doesn’t value what you have to offer is not someone you should be giving your time and energy too. If their role in your life isn’t helping you grow, it’s preventing you from growing.
2. The Sometimes Friend
A real friend is not just around when they are bored or it fits nicely into their agenda. Granted, life keeps us busy and you can’t always be physically there for someone when they need you to be, but a friend will always make themselves emotionally available for you no matter what is going on. Friendship isn’t neat and orderly – it’s sloppy, it’s unpredictable, it’s ups and it’s downs. Friendship is carrying someone through the lowest of lows and laughing with them through the highs. It’s not just a source of entertainment and it isn’t something you do when there is nothing better to do. It is a commitment, not a choice.
3. The Party Animal
Drinking is fun but is far from being everything. We often get so caught up in the hype of turning 21 that we forget that there is more to life than draining our bank accounts for temporary happiness. You need friends that will go out with you when you want to go out but you also need friends who will understand when you’ve got obligations (work, school, etc.) that take precedent over a few cranberry vodkas and a couple hours on a dance floor. Friends should be able to have quiet Netflix and pizza nights and have deep conversations as well as going out. If drinking is a requirement to hang out, take "Frozen's" advice and “let it go.”
4. The Dependent
Think about every group of friends you’ve had in your lifetime. I am willing to bet that that in nearly every one there has been one “friend” who wants what you have, everything you have. They want your boyfriend (and flirt with them incessantly) and they want your clothes, so they steal them from your closet without asking. These people are the worst kind. Anyone who wants to build themselves up by stepping on you and taking the things that make you happy is not someone worth keeping around.
6. The Competitor
A friend is someone who rejoices in your accomplishments. You made Dean's List? Let’s go celebrate. You didn’t have cavities at the dentist? Drinks. OK, I’m kidding about that one (kind of), but moral of the story – a friend should get just as excited as you do if not more when things are in your favor. A friend is someone who you run to with your good and bad news because you know they will listen and they will be proud of you. In contrast, an artificial friend takes what you do and tries to do it better. This “friend” will do anything it takes to get the spotlight off of you. You need someone to build you up and be happy for you instead of tear you down and belittle your achievements.
7. The Jealous
Come on, you can’t possibly be expected to have one best friend and one best friend only. What happens when they are out of town or too busy to hang out? Are you supposed to sit at home and cry? Are you in a relationship with them? Did you sign a pact in blood that you would never hang out with anyone else? I would answer for you and say no but I’ll just stick with I sure hope not. As you spread your wings, you are bound to meet other people and you will likely befriend them because that’s how we adapt to our surroundings and simply because you should. Don’t ever limit yourself to one friend, one slice of pizza, or one more "Orange is the New Black." Boxing yourself in does nothing but stagger your improvement. It is good to have connections and it is good to constantly build and improve yourself and anyone who is too petty or jealous to understand that can keep it moving and find another human to parasite on to (Bye Felicia).
8. The Drama Queen
Last but not least, when your “friend” is a major source of negativity in your life, they are not doing you any favors. You don’t need to know every time someone talks bad about you and every conversation you have does not need to be trash talking someone else. These people bring hatred, bitterness, and stress into your life in ways you don’t need because let’s face it – life is stressful enough without the constant gossip.
As you age, you’ll realize that none of these people are actually friends. Friendship is so much more than hating the same people and getting sloppy drunk on the regular. Real, genuine friendship is driving cities (and even states) to see each other for a day. Friendship is going days, weeks and months without seeing or speaking to each other and being able to pick up right where you left off when you reunite. Your friends should cry with you, laugh with you, grow with you and succeed with you because that is what you do when you care about someone. Friendship isn’t always easy and it isn’t always fun. There will be arguments, there will be pet peeves and there will be times when you need your space but what there should never be is anything that is not mutual. Life is too short to settle for anything less than you deserve, whether it be your friends, your boyfriend, your job or the wing of your eyeliner. Do what makes you happy and surround yourself with people who want to see you be the best, happiest version of yourself and you will be infinitely better off for doing so.
