The past few years have seen and heard a lot about "political correctness" ruining everything from school to politics to media -- especially media, the frothing manchildren of Twitter loudly remind us. LGBTQ characters in particular are often seen as a sign of heavy-handed, politically correct drivel. But as a licensed bisexual, I'm here to tell you that it isn't about political correctness at all: I just love to take things straight people have created and make them more queer out of spite.
Here's a list of movies, in no particular order, that would be made better with less straight people in the writing room.
1. "Bend It Like Beckham" (2002)
This touching film about a girl's journey of bridging her passion for football (soccer) with her family's Sikh traditionalism is definitely worth the watch and definitely would have benefitted from not forcing the audience to pretend that love triangles are interesting. The romantic chemistry between Jules and Jess makes Jonathan Rhys Meyers feel as welcome and sexy as a dry sponge.
2. "Mulan" (1998)
I know we're all very fond of the basic grrl power message of this Disney Renaissance classic, but consider digging a little deeper in that gender garden: Mulan as a non-binary trans person! They begin the film feeling wrong in the expectations of a strict feminine role, then similarly not-quite-right trying to pass as a masculine cisgender man. The film's resolution involves Mulan comfortably identifying as more than one gender and an acknowledgment that gender can't be defined in binaries.
Also Shang is bi as hell, but everyone already knows that.
3. "Harry Potter" (2001-2011)
Literally one line would be enough to put JK Rowling's money where her heterosexual mouth is with regards to Dumbledore being gay. One line. In any movie. In any book, even (looking bitterly at you, "Cursed Child"). Or hey, make absolutely any character(s) gay! In a world of magic and monsters, it turns out queer people are not actually beyond the realm of imagination.
4. "The Road to El Dorado" (2000)
Even as kids, we knew there was a significant homoerotic bond between Miguel and Tulio (we saw their butts, we knew something was up). But how do you reconcile that with the canon romantic and sexual relationship between Tulio and Chel? By improving the whole dynamic and making it one big, fun polyamorous romp for gold and glory, of course!
5. "Whip It" (2009)
Another fantastic film about athletic girls and women and the importance of their relationships with each other and their sport, weighed down with an unwelcome, unnecessary male love interest for the leading lady. Let Ellen Page kiss best friend Alia Shawkat at the end and let us have the lesbian roller derby movie that queer girls all over the country (if not the world) have been dreaming about for seven years now.
6. "Star Trek" (2009)
Yeah, yeah, I know Sulu gets a husband and kid in the newest movie (and that's for real super awesome!), but here's the thing: I want more. Namely, I want a queer James Kirk. The pop cultural characterization of Captain Kirk as the straightest bro in the galaxy is so, so incorrect. William Shatner didn't spend decades giving Leonard Nimoy bedroom eyes on camera for bulls**t scenes of Chris Pine falling on top of scantily clad green girls and spying on Uhura while she undresses. I'm not saying it has to be Kirk and Spock together, just that, similarly to the magical world of "Harry Potter," why would a binary of gender or sexuality exist when we start talking about aliens? And, more importantly, will straight people themselves even exist in the future? We need to ask the tough questions.
7. "Star Wars" (2015)
Yes that's right, both "Star Trek" and "Wars" franchises would be hugely improved by canon queer characters. I have no interest in the pages of whining dressed up as reasoning as to why it just wouldn't make sense for Poe Dameron to be gay or Finn to be bi or Luke to be trans. For the next box office-smashing installment of the beloved "Star Wars" saga, make somebody queer for goodness sakes!
8. "The Hunger Games" (2012-2015)
Based on the massively popular book trilogy, "The Hunger Games" films show a graphic image of a dystopian future full of state-sanctioned violence as entertainment, featuring a strong female lead. However, these films also suffer from the terrible condition of once again thinking love triangles are interesting or creative. In fact, the writers didn't even seem to notice that Katniss Everdeen is as asexual/aromantic as the day is long, and that characters can have extremely important bonds with others that aren't based on romantic or sexual relationships.
9. "Frost/Nixon" (2008)
"It just seems like they're supposed to end up together, based on the title," my friend said when I asked for a final movie suggestion for this listicle. I have not actually seen this film. But do we know that "Frost/Nixon" would not be improved by making President Richard Nixon queer? Anything is possible. And everything is better with more LGBTQ characters.
What's your favorite movie that should have been queer? Comment below!