Once upon a time, father and son Dwight and Steve Hammond of Burns, Oregon, set their home ablaze and, as a result, were sent to jail. Once upon about three years later, they were sent back to jail because the original judge mistakenly gave them less prison time than the official minimum sentence. This sentence sparked a group of completely unrelated people to take over a national wildlife reserve in Oregon, where they plan to remain until further notice.
However, they must not have planned ahead, because one member of these Oregon Militia Men requested care packages from the public the other day, specifically asking for snacks and energy drinks. If you support them and want to go outside of the box in setting up your care package, this list is for you! Prepare to delve into the minds of the Oregon Militia Men and find out what they really wish you’d send them.
1. Snacks
Yes, of course, snacks had to be first on the list! You and I both know that it’s impossible to commit acts of terror on an empty stomach. The Oregon Militia Men are especially fond of beef jerky, Nerds Rope, and those gummy Krabby patties.
2. Entertainment
You can’t have snacks without some movies and video games, right? Several Militia Men specifically requested National Treasure, “Call of Duty,” and any edition of “Nintendogs.”
3. Money
Even an Oregon Militia Man can’t live off of junk food and energy drinks. This can help them order a pizza or something to the building they took over.
4. US History Textbooks
Hey, if they’re not going anywhere, might as well educate them on the things they’re fighting for/against. (P.S. Have you ever heard of the Second Amendment?)
5. Portable Chargers/Generators and Lights
For when they can no longer pay the electric bill and inevitably get cut off. How many Oregon Militia Men does it take to change a lightbulb? More importantly, how many lightbulbs does it take to change a person?
6. Hostages
Do you have someone just lying around that you don’t like? A younger sibling, a bad roommate, etc. Send him or her to the Oregon Militia Men! Everyone knows terrorists get their messages across better when they’re holding hostages.
7. Guns/Other Weapons
Why not, right? The Second Amendment gives us the right to bear arms, and if you’re not making the most out of that .22 semiautomatic you’ve got hanging around in the garage, donate it to the cause! The more the merrier!
8. Alcohol
On second thought, keep the alcohol. Drink yourself stupid to forget that people are defending two men who committed arson by taking over some random federal building in Oregon.
9. The Constitution
Because they love it so much. With all the newfound time they have staying in the building indefinitely, maybe they can read through it and find important laws to follow other than the Second Amendment. Like the one about not committing arson.
