It’s that time of year again. August crept up on you like a ninja stalking his ex-wife, and now you’re looking down the barrel of the oncoming semester. Even though you’re glad to be going back, you go into a frantic state of preparation for the next four months. Here are some of the things we all go through.
1. Have intense hanging out sessions with friends.
You don’t know when you’re going to see your home friends again. It doesn’t matter if you’re seeing a concert or getting food, you need to see them one more time before you’re back to the grind. Especially if you haven’t seen them much over the summer.
2. Desperately try to get your sleep schedule back on track
Every tap of that snooze button just makes the oncoming 8 a.m.'s hurt more, but we still do it.
3. Panic about how much school costs
Denial is a wonderful thing. It keeps you from freaking out, even when you by all rights should be. But there comes a time when you have to turn around and face the oncoming tsunami; it’s a tsunami made of tuition, rent and textbook costs. You curse the past generations for how affordable college used to be. You curse the future generations for how affordable college will be be (or how college costs aren’t an issue in a radioactive hellscape).
4. Ruthlessly guilt yourself about how you spent your summer.
You’re young, free and you spent the entire summer browsing social media and streaming TV shows you don’t even like. Bonus points if you go on Facebook or Instagram to look at photos of people’s international soul-searching sojourn or successful big-city internship. It’s good to know that some people have it together.
5. Savor every second of sleep you get.
Maybe if you sleep all day, you can make up for the days worth of sleep you’ll miss during the semester. Sleep deprivation is classified as a form of torture by international courts, but I’m not sure how you’re supposed to report your professors to the UN.
6. Hug your dogs a lot more.
All dogs go to heaven, and there are no dogs allowed in college. Does this make college hell? You tell me.
7. Start making resolutions that you won’t follow through with.
“Hey, y’know, I think I’m going to start cooking all of my meals this semester! And I’m totally going to take advantage of the gym on campus! And I’m going to get better grades, be organized, stay sober etc." You do that, pal. When you find yourself waking up from your week 10 tequila-burrito combo binge, let me know.
8. Try to last-minute improve your appearance.
In May, you were a caterpillar entering the cocoon of summer, hoping to emerge a sexy, well-tanned butterfly by the end of the season. Instead, you’re a just caterpillar with an intimate knowledge of Netflix’s catalogue. But if cramming an entire semester’s worth of notes in a weekend works for finals, maybe it’ll work for the gym? Right?
I'm sure all of these anxieties will subside the minute the semester starts. At least they will when new anxieties take their place.
