We all probably have the one friend who insults us constantly, judges us like they’re God, and continually claims they don’t actually care for us at all. And if you don’t have someone like that in your life, you’re truly missing out and here’s a few reasons why:
1. They are always brutally honest with you.
Whether you want their feedback or not, they’re going to give it to you. They will NEVER lie to you about something to spare your feelings and will immediately tell you if you look like a seven week old, half-eaten meatloaf.
2. You can tell them anything.
Chances are that they’re going to judge and criticize you no matter what, so if you can deal with that on a daily basis, it’ll be a piece of cake to tell them things you’d be scared to tell someone else.
3. They always provide you with new insults.
They will pretty much never greet you without tacking an insult on in there somewhere, and they are always the most creative insults that you will ever hear.
4. When they say something nice, they actually mean it.
There will be those few moments in your friendship where they will actually stop insulting you long enough in order to be supportive. They’ll attend your graduation and awards ceremonies. They’ll support you through a breakup. They’ll tell you they love you every once in a while (but they’ll probably never hug you).
5. They always have your back.
You’ll soon realize that they can roast you into oblivion and be rude to you, but the second someone that isn’t a friend does it, they’re immediately there to take up for you. You know you can always count on them to be down to go to three different restaurants when it’s past midnight and you just need someone to talk to. They’ll constantly send you great memes to make any day instantly better.
6. They will be one of the funniest people you’ve ever met.
They will be such a savage that they could care less what people think of them which leads to them doing some pretty hilarious things and having the best jokes.
7. They will become one of the most important people in your life.
You will always look to them when you need a good meme, someone to be angry with, an extra push to do something risky, or just a completely unbiased opinion. They will be so unbelievably mean to you, but they’ll also sit through your entire graduation ceremony, be a tiny bit nice to you when you’re crying in the middle of Denny’s, and help you dye your hair at one in the morning.
8. They will become irreplaceable (because they keep going on and on and on about how you’re going to find a replacement for them).
I can say pretty much without a doubt that I will never meet anyone else who is going to put on one of my dresses while I’m in the bathroom. No one else is going make memes out of me and send them to every person who remotely knows who I am. No one else is going to continue to make fun of me when I trip on my cat (that was almost a whole year ago, jerk). No one else is going to support me while simultaneously mocking me. Essentially, they will be your friend for life; so, you’ll probably get a little teary when you have to move away and are no longer insulted by them on a daily basis.
P.S. You’re a loser.
