Like a lot of people, I have a tough exterior which makes for a lot of judgement and stereotyping. All my life I have gone around with this tough look which has crippled me from ever being deemed as approachable, friendly or even cute. I thought that my hard shell was a burden, but over the past few years, I have grown to not only love my outward strong presence, but embrace it.

I am forever cursed with having RBF (resting b*tch face) - Many girls suffer from rbf syndrome where we look like we are super angry or mean, but it is literally just how are faces look all the time. Perhaps it is because we don’t smile all the time, or our eyes look a bit cold. I know for me personally, It’s likely the devilish shape of my eyebrows that make me look particularly aggressive, but whatever the reason, learn to embrace you rbf. It may come in handy when you are actually low key giving some stink eye to someone… “Oh, sorry, it’s just my face… Or is it?”

People do not try to mess with me - I cannot tell you how many times someone has told me, “You look like you could mess someone up. I wouldn’t want to be on your bad side.” This used to bother me a lot because I would never want to hurt someone who got on my “bad side,” but my tough exterior has prevented me from ever really getting bullied and has actually allowed me to help others who were being bullied by just standing up to their bully with my strong presence. I have learned to love the fact that people can see that I am strong, can hold my own and stand my ground, even if it’s not always true.

People will always judge me - While being deemed as tough and strong can come in handy, I have come to learn that I will literally always be judged as being mean because of it. All my friends first impressions of me always relate back to my tough exterior. My friends have told me time and time again that they were scared of me or thought I was mean when they first met me, and that was before they ever even got the chance to talk to me. I have learned that sometimes I need to break their opinion of me by breaking the ice and showing them my worth, which has made me more confident and outgoing over the years.

I am worth getting to know - Like the old saying goes, don’t judge a book by it’s cover. I may look mean and scary, but I am worth getting to know. My tough exterior tends to repel people from ever wanting to give me a chance or take the time to get to know me, so I am grateful for the people that do give me that opportunity. Not all people who look mean and tough are that way on the inside, and we just want the chance to show you that we are kind and thoughtful, even if we may not outwardly show it. I have come to realize that the people who do take the time to get to know me are the ones worth getting to know as well, so I do not pay any mind to the people who cast me out based on my exterior. They are clearly not worth the effort.

I will always have my guard up - As much as I love the people that give me a chance and get to know me, I know all too well that just as easily as they walked into my life, they can also walk out. Losing friends and relationships hurt, and while these loses have nothing to really do with my exterior, the pain that I have felt from them have caused me to create walls that may make me less open with my heart and deemed as closed off or cold. It it not personal, just a way to protect myself. I have learned though that closing off my heart and keeping a guard up really only hurts myself in the long run. People may always come and go, but with every friendship or relationship comes a lesson, and with every lesson comes growth and maturity.

I have adapted sarcasm as my first language - As a way of protecting myself from pain of being hurt, I tend to use sarcasm to break the ice or create conversation, especially if we are talking about something that may be particularly tough to talk about. Sarcasm can be so great when with the right people. It’s funny, light hearted and really not meant to be taken seriously, but when I am interacting with people who are not used to the power of sarcasm, my witty comebacks and remarks only add to my already instilled stereotype of being mean. I love sarcasm, but I have learned that it is not appropriate all the time. As I grow up, I have learned to be mindful of other’s feelings, as I wish people to do for me and sometimes that means monitoring what I say and when I say it.

I may seem like I do not care but I do… a lot - My tough exterior may deem me to be seen as hard, and my sarcasm may seem harsh, but I am 100 times harder on myself than anyone else. Inside this tough shell is a soft and emotional person who has all these thoughts, doubts, feelings and worries. I may seem like I could care less about certain things, but it is just my protective walls and tough exterior preventing me from showing my true emotions. It’s hard for me to break down in front of people because of my tough persona. People do not expect me to get emotional, so therefore it’s awkward not only for me, but others around me as well when I do. I have learned that it is okay to let down my walls and just cry it out on a friend's shoulders though. It will only bring you closer.

I can rock girly things and still look like a bad a** - The stigma of having a tough exterior has stereotyped me as being someone who only wears dark colors and pants. When I put on a dress that features light colors, flowers and other girly features, people look at me like the world is ending. Well, I have learned that I can absolutely rock an adorable pink dress and heels and still look like a complete and total bad B and I absolutely love it, so stare away because I know I'm rockin