Medieval Death Bot on Twitter is a funny and somewhat dark page to kill time scrolling through. It's a list of different ways people died in the Medieval times. Here are some of my favorites, either because of the obscurity of the incident or the phrasing of the statement:
1. Nicholas de Cressingham, died 1320, beaten to death with stones and an iron fork.
A new one: death by fork.
2. A man, died 1312 by falling from a haystack. Price of the stack, 11s.
There's so many questions. What man? How high was that haystack? Why did he fall? Is 11s a expensive or cheap haystack?
3. William Wattepas, died in 1300 of a mysterious wound in his arm, which could not be cured.
How does one pronounce Wattepas?
4. Walter de Elmeleye, stabbed in 1301 by John de Melkesham, avenging verbal abuse sent upon Alice le Quernbetere by workmen of Thomas Sely.
I'd like to think that this man was killed for cat calling a woman, but I suppose I will never know.
5. Elias de Beverle and John Costard, both drowned in a certain waste place within the second gate of the Tower of London in 1321.
"Certain" being the operative word.
6. Henry of Winchcombe, died 1312, shot in the heart by an unknown man at midnight after going outside to make water.
How does one make water?
7. Henry Cole, died 1342, climbed on a branch of a fallen oak tree & by misfortune the tree rolled over on him and thus he was crushed to death.
For some reason, I have a feeling a tree rolling by misfortune is not by misfortune at all.
8. Walter de Warewyck, died 1345 of neglecting to lodge inside for the night, and died of the cold.
I bet Walter's mom told him to wear a sweater, and he didn't.
9. Simon the Welshman, clerk, died 1306, struck w a knife on the head by W., vicar, for being late to church to ring the bells for matins.
Don't mess with the Welsh vicars.
