I have been a server for about four years now, working in both rural and urban areas of the country. I've seen it all, from people paying their bills with only coins to waiting on a party of thirty - and all of them paying with separate cards. I would take either of those any day over some of the things I've witnessed in my waitressing career.
1. A man asked me for breast milk.
GiphyThat's right, when it came time for me to take all the drink orders, a male guest at one of the tables I was waiting on, with a completely serious look on his face, asked me for "my finest cup of breast milk". I uncomfortably laughed a little, pausing for him to inform me of what he'd actually like to drink. After all, he did was stare intensely at me, it's safe to say I ended up handing the table off to one of my male coworkers.
2. A guy proposed to his girlfriend in the bathroom.
GiphyYep, you read that correctly. The two of them quietly slinked into the men's bathroom together, and when they emerged, the girlfriend waved her ring-finger in the air excitedly, her boyfriend exclaiming, "She said yes! She said yes!" Not gonna lie, if my boyfriend proposed to me in any bathroom, I'd have to politely decline.
3. A mother changed her baby's diaper in a booth.
GiphyThe aroma of feces and boneless wings were mixing together too much, so the mother decided that naturally the best place to change the baby was right there in the middle of the restaurant, in the booth. It's safe to say I was in complete disbelief and disgust.
4. A lady strategically placed her own hair in her salad - right in front of my eyes.
GiphyI watched a woman pluck a piece of her long, firey red hair from her scalp and place it right in the middle of her salad. She must not have realized that I saw her do the deed, for she waved me over from where I was standing, the table next to hers, and proceeded to complain that one of our cooks' hair had fallen into her food, demanding a new meal. The customer isn't always right, folks.
5. A college kid brought McDonald's into the restaurant.
GiphyA group of college kids came in and sat in my section one night. As I was beginning to take their orders, I got to one of the guys, who stated that he was "covered already," and whipped out a bag of McDonald's, proceeding to eat it at the table. His friends acted like nothing about the situation was off, and that right there made me lose complete faith in reality
6. A table openly refused to tip me.
GiphyAfter what I would call an exceptionally successful round of serving these two college-aged guys, a round in which we joked and chatted about the similarities and stresses of our college lives, I handed them the bill from their dinner. One of the guys took it, then proceeded to apologize, saying that there was "no way the two of us could tip you; it'd be kind of like prostitution." Not wanting to argue this and point out the utter idiocy and rudeness in that statement, I simply left the table. I did not need their tip.
7. A couple asked me if I'd like to "throuple" with them.
GiphyThat's right, one of the heterosexual couples I was waiting on one evening asked me if I'd like to "join" their relationship. Quite taken aback, I laughed a little, but after seeing the inquisitory looks on their faces, I knew this wasn't a joke. Once I politely refused, they promptly paid their bill and stiffed me. Call me old-fashioned, but I'd prefer to date one person at a time, and someone who's not already dating someone else.
8. A couple was "getting it on" in a booth.
GiphyI'll keep this one brief and spare you the details: not only were they were making out in the booth, but her hand was also very clearly in his pants. Please, get a room, and preferably one that isn't a public restaurant.
Think twice before entering the customer service industry, folks.
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