Ah. What a beautiful splendorous morning. There are many ways to start one, but my favorite one is always with a trip to my local overpriced coffee shop. As I frequented the establishment over the years, I’ve noticed that after a while, the customers become… familiar. Here is 8 types of them I’ve found.
i. The ‘healthy’ eater
She talks a lot about leading a healthy lifestyle. Does yoga thrice a week, makes a big fuss out of detoxes and eating right. She’s a sucker for an acai bowl, and a dreamer at heart. Gets a venti double chocolate frappuccino with whipped cream blended in, java chips, four pumps of caramel syrup, with a banana blended in for the sake of how bananas she is. None of my business though.
ii. The Artist
They are more of a myth than a person. There’s no reason in any season to get creative juices flowing in the air, intoxicating and stimulating imagination with sweet cocaine of coffee, their spiraling addiction coming into friction with the murmur of the moody meager morning-
I’ve never met a person who has actually written something profound in a cafe. You can’t. Whatever they’re doing, it probably is an intellectual sham, because you can’t write with someone yelling “Betsy!” every minute from behind the counter.
iii. The WiFi Thief
This person is here for the free WiFi, and nothing else. They have a beverage from elsewhere, take up the comfiest seat in the cafe and never seem to leave. Good for them?
iv. The “basic”
Ladies (and gents, although the stereotype applies generally to women for some reason) you’re NOT basic. You’re all unique gemstone-like snowflakes, who happen to share an interest in pumpkin spice lattes, certain kinds of clothing people consider UGG-ly, and seem to have your names grown at the same petri dish. Ashley is a good name though! Don't be ashamed to be basic!
v. The Cop
If you frequent the same Starbucks for long enough, you’ll notice a police officer or two (or three) pay a visit. The funny thing is even though you know they're there just for coffee a part of you hopes something exciting could happen.
vi. The Trendy Hipster
This is someone who has given up on this mortal realm. This is someone who when they speak their order, has lightning flash. They will order whatever is the most complicated and popular drink on the menu. For every new secret recipe they come up with, a million baristas die a broiling cruel and senseless death.
vii. The Intern
You will see them during afternoons or early mornings- especially if you live in the city. Their job description said they’ll accrue priceless experience working at Big Daddy Inc, but unfortunately this literally priceless experience consists of ordering 8 cups of coffee for everyone in the office. If they are ahead of you, consider yourself late to class.
viii. Your Best Friend
Okay, they’re not your best friend, but they certainly seem to know everyone on staff. The second they enter, from within the depths beyond the counter and the La Boulangerie glass case, someone greets out their name. Even some of the customers there know them. Do they come here a lot? Are they a neighboring business owner perhaps? Or, are they a mini celebrity or a mere phantom employee?
If you keep your eyes peeled, you are certain to find and stumble across someone like this at your local Starbucks!
Remember that this list, much like a pokedex, keeps on expanding on and on as the time goes by, so feel free to suggest who else should be added to it!
