I love college and the many wonderful opportunities that it brings. Some weeks, however, it really gets the best of you. So, I start to observe everything and it soon turns into random thoughts such as these.
1. The parking kind of sucks.
Here I am paying thousands of dollars a semester and still find myself hiking from way out in Africa. You must camp out here like it’s black Friday to get a parking spot near the building. Then you’re playing dodge the cars, even though you secretly wish one of them would just take you out. Cash me on the pavement, how ‘bout that? Pay my tuition and all these book fees. But really, I love carrying my 80-pound backpack far distances. It gives you back problems and a constant reminder to hit the gym. Talk about motivation.
2. Walking through the halls gives me road rage.
Why is everyone in small clans blocking the doors like this is high school? Three people have now asked me if I am looking for my mom. I’m not lost, I’m just trying to see the door numbers through your gigantic clan of awkwardness. Then I always get stuck behind the text walker. I always feel like a calm, well together individual until that happens. I mean, just go Sharon!
3. No, we shouldn’t skip over that part of the lesson because we “learned it in high school.”
I hate when professors say, “you should already know this.” I will have you know that I nearly walked out of the house with only one shoe on. Also, I do not remember what I had for dinner last night, much less what I learned in high school. My attention span just was not there. Please, for the sake of passing grades, just go over the already learned material. Google can give some false information friends.
4. I have no idea what he just said…. just act interested.
Who knew that they still call on you to answer questions? Here you are minding your own business, thinking of what you are going to eat when you leave. Then they start going around the room asking questions. You’re on page 203 and they aren’t even using the book today. Logically, you just make eye contact and nod. No one knows you are still thinking of a sandwich and you look like you have it all together.
5. Why is it so hot in here?
There is nothing more soothing than sitting in class slowly waiting for my face to melt off. Then they said that the air is turned on only on certain days. However, if one of us falls out from a stroke I am sure they will reconsider. Bring your fans, bring your water, because they are trying to kill everyone up in here.
6. He switches the slides too fast.
I might as well start taking pictures of the slides as they go by, because homie is trying to test me. I am on the second line of the first slide and suddenly we are on to the next chapter. If there is a pop quiz, I sure hope that first definition is on there. Can we get some fill in the blank notes, sir?
7. I am killing this.
I aced three exams in one week, made social interactions with professors, and attended every class. I’m totally killing it over here. They should put my name on a wall or provide a wagon that takes me to every class. But I guess I will settle for the inner satisfaction that it brings.
8. Why is there an attendance grade?
I was ten minutes late, missed the sign in sheet, and suddenly my grade dropped a whole letter. Not really, but who came up with this? There are so many missed opportunities of Starbucks and happiness. There isn’t enough time for good hygiene and luxury coffee with attendance grades. Don’t make everyone carry Febreeze in their backpack. Keep your friends, always pick toothpaste and deodorant. Just remind your professor of what could be.