It's the first week of school and already a most glorious gift has been bestowed upon us all: a three-day weekend. It's as if the gods smiled down upon the lowly plebeians that walk the paved paths of campuses everywhere and said, "For your mediocre attempts in parting ways with summer once again, we present you with the next best thing: three school-less days." And with that, beer rained down from the heavens and college students of every shape and size threw caution to the wind and celebrated every last second of freedom.
Until Monday night, that is, when realization dawns upon the masses. Homework, the reason for the mischievous look on your professor's face before dismissing class Friday afternoon. The reason you felt as though you were forgetting something all weekend, and above all, the reason for the sh*tiest excuses professors have ever heard.
The writer in me likes to spice things up when I need a reason for my slacking off, so here are a few suggestions (and honest excuses) from me and my fellow peers:
1. "Sorry, I spent the entire weekend binge-watching all ten seasons of Friends."
Because let's be honest, Joey is your spirit animal and you look to him for life advice.
Image via Tumblr
2. "I was crunk on Party Milk and Pink Panty Droppers and, well, the rest is history!"
And when the Party Milk hits ya, it hits ya hard...
Watch the (adorable) video on YouTube
3. "My Tinder date suggested 'Netflix and chill' three days in a row."
Studying anatomy counts even when you're not in the class right?
Image from Huzlers.com
4. "I just really needed to focus on my art."
And by art you really mean expressing yourself through laying in bed and watching Rick & Morty all weekend.
Image via Pinterest
5. "I spent all weekend catching up on fan-fiction."
And probably writing your own, but hey, E.L. James made a living doing it, so can you.
Image via weheartit
6. "By the time I finally sat down to do it, my brain just wouldn't work."
This is a pretty valid excuse. Sometimes the think-box doesn't want to think!
Image via marvelcolm
7. "I went to the (insert sports-ball here) game this weekend, and things got a little crazy after the big win."
And even if your team didn't win, there was probably still a party. Go sports-ball!
Image via Flabber
8. "Uh ... food poisoning?"
Two words: Taco Bell. So good at 2 a.m., but not nearly as great the next day ... or hours later.
Image via Twitter
If these fantastically honest excuses don't at least get your professor to crack a smile, then I am not responsible for any dishonor placed on you or your cow. However, if someone asks where you came up with these hilarious responses, then I take full credit and payment via gift cards or Paypal is much appreciated.
