Listening is an important step to constructing a healthy relationship. And when I say relationship, I don't mean in a "When Harry Met Sally" kind of way. Instead, I'm referring to all kind of relationships between parents and children, siblings, friendships etc.
However, we often forget how to actively listen and by listening, I mean really hearing someone and interpreting what they are saying in order to better understand them. And to be clear, just because you are a quiet person, by nature, doesn't mean that you are a good listener. Here a few ways to figure out whether you are a good listener or not.
1. You listen but you're not hearing
Not everyone is going to be as good of a communicator as you probably are. Maybe you are the type of person who is very good at expressing yourself and choose your word carefully. However, it's important to understand that not everyone is communicating in their native language or is a good communicator. So, when someone is doing their best at explaining themselves, instead on focusing on that one chose of word that you don't agree with, ask for clarification and try your best to really hear what that person is attempting to tell you.
2. You monopolize the conversation
Holding the conversation hostage while in a group setting for longer than 30 minutes is no longer consider to be a conversation but a monologue instead. To better hear and understand someone you first have to let them speak. So, next time you are in a group setting and you catch yourself talking for longer than everyone combine, remember to minimize it and allow others to express themselves.
3. You come with a pre-determined agenda
Have you ever met a friend, a colleague or a family member and knew exactly what you wanted to say to them before the conversation even started? While this method is great for getting your point across by focusing solely on what you want to convey you unintentionally close yourself and your ears off from attentively listening to the other person.
4. You don't engage
Being a good listener doesn't mean that you shouldn't participate in a conversation. While, you don't want to monopolize a conversation you should ask questions to further understand what is being said.
5. You avoid eye contact
Yes, while I know that most introvert are probably dreading reading this, it is very important to keep eye contact to solidify that you are in fact paying attention to what is being said. However, refrain from starring excessively, that's just creepy.
6. You constantly Interrupting
That is one thing that can sometime be difficult to control. Especially, if you are passionate about a certain subject and you want to get your point across right away even when someone is already speaking. Although it is hard, remember that you are not the only one who passionately want to get your point across.
7. You over-relate
When someone is expressing themselves, especially when it's a subject that is very near and dear to their heart the best thing you can do is listen to them. And although it is comforting to have someone who can relate to something that you have gone through, as a listener try not to redirect the conversation back to you and your experiences. Sometimes just being there to listen is all that a person needs.
That pretty much sums it up. Let me know in the comments below whether you can identify with some of these points.
