We all know how awkward it gets at family dinner when you’re forced to sit down and make small talk with people who share the same genes as you… Being a professional at awkward small talk, I have compiled seven easy ways to dodge those uncomfortable questions that your socially awkward family loves to ask.
1. How’s your GPA?
You obviously aren’t quite sure how to break it to your great aunt over a thanksgiving turkey that you’re pretty sure you’re failing two classes, but are hopeful that the two other C’s you (think you) have might balance out to give you at least a 2.0 this semester, thus keeping you off academic probation….. In order to avoid this touchy subject, use the old ‘switcheroo’ and pawn this question off to the unfortunate cousin sitting to the left by saying something like, “I hear Tommy over there had midterms a week ago.” Your aunt is guaranteed to make young Tommy the new target of this question.
2. How are your classes?
Again, not positive on how to break it to your grandma that the only thing you've learned this semester is how to professionally use a beer funnel? Just say something really vague like, “Eh I mean my teacher wears cool bow ties.” Grandma will be unsure about where to go from the answer to this question seeing as you haven't really answered it, and therefore turn her attention elsewhere.
3. Have you declared a major yet?
Personally, this question drives me crazy because the responses one receives to telling your grandpa who successfully went to law school that you’re thinking of declaring a major in English with a minor in women’s studies. I usually just say, “Nope still fulfilling my requirements!” so they say something like, “good for you!” and treat you like the slacker of the cousins who are all freshman still planning on being ‘pre-med’.
4. How is your significant other from highschool?
You might be wondering, does anyone actually have a relative that would ask this? Yes, and I am one of those people. Just give them a quizzical look and mutter something along the lines of, “he ran over my dog when we broke up senior year,” so they know you ended on bad terms and essentially an eternity ago in college years. There’s a high likelihood they will stay away from this subject forever because how do you respond to hearing someone ran over your dog? You don’t.
5. Have you made new friends?
Grandma, why is it so hard for you to believe that I have made friends at college? Can we just assume this is a yes?
6. How do you like living in the dorms?
Is anyone going to say they enjoy living in a room approximately the size of a shoebox with another human being? Probably not, so just give them a stern no.
7. Are you dating anyone yet?
Ah yes, it's time for that dreadful question in which the room gets silent and everyone seems to perk up just to hear you say, “No, I am still single,” for the third year in a row. The best way to handle this question is by saying something like, “I’m trying to find myself before I find someone else.” They will be both inspired and empowered to hear you are single out of personal choice in the matter rather than an embarrassingly shallow and empty love life.
