Losing a parent is never an easy thing to understand.
Whether you are a child or an adult, it is something that will hurt. I lost my dad as a child and I had to quickly grow up and I realized how much it changed me and my life. I learned the phrase, "you never know what you have until it is gone", very fast. When you lose a dad, you start to see what really is important in this life. I learned a few things after losing my dad:
1. You are stronger than you think.
When I lost my dad I quickly started to doubt my strength. I did not think I had enough to cover what I was going through. I heard the quote "You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have" and it all set in. I was strong because I had to be. Strength isn't something you acknowledge every day, but after losing a parent you learn what it means to have true strength. Strength is something that grows in time and will help in the long run.
2. You learn who your real friends are.
You don't expect to lose friends after losing a parent. More loss? That's not fun. But it happens. I thought all my friends would be there for me and pick me up out of the hole I was in. I think I set my expectations a little too high.
I have friends who have stuck by my side and close to 6 years later, are still here and always supporting me through day to day life. But then there are the people who always said "I am here for you" and then don't act on what they say. It's just like it's a filler statement.
I slowly started to filter those people out of my life, due to the way they acted towards me. It is definitely sad to see people you thought were your friends, leave your life because of this kind of event and the fact that you are not "over it" yet. Sorry, but I don't think I will ever be completely "over it."
3. You will cry at random times.
I hate to say it, but it will happen. When your dad's favorite song comes on in the car, and brings back that memory of you two riding together, it will bring out of tears. No doubt. Whether you are driving alone, or with friends having a great time, it doesn't take much to bring back a memory that might tear you apart. Face it.
Embrace that emotion, it means you loved them. It is your new reality. It really sucks. But throughout the years, I have realized that it really is okay to cry. Find a friend you can confide in, and it will make those hard times a lot easier.
4. It's okay to not be okay.
It took me a very long time to learn this. I always thought to myself that I had to be the strong one. I never wanted people to see me upset because I did not want to come off as weak. I was not okay when I lost my dad, and I don't think I really am now to be honest, but I have learned that it is alright.
Losing a dad will shake your world, especially being a girl. It is more than okay to have days where you are upset at the world, or don't want to leave your bed. It is all part of a very complicated healing process, that each person who has lost someone has to go through.
5. People will still treat you like crap, even after facing a tragedy.
This really never did make sense to me. People were mean to me before my dad died, but what took me by surprise is that they were still mean to me, even after he died. I did not expect this out of people, I thought that they would have compassion, and show love to a hurting person. But not everyone treats people well after going through something crappy. Sadly, I learned that one the hard way.
6. Crying yourself to sleep some nights, it will happen.
I cry myself to sleep some nights. How could someone do that, you might ask? It takes a lot during the day to hold in certain emotions and some nights once the lights go out, I cry.
I cry because I miss my dad, my best friend, my role model in this world. It is hard to be in a world without a dad. Being a girl, makes it worse. You miss all the father daughter dances at school, and get to watch all your friends go out to dinner with their dads.
Deep down it hurts.
Crying yourself sleep, it hurts, but there are so many people in your life that want to help you. Sometimes you just need to call up a friend and cry with them. Remind yourself you aren't alone in this world.
7. You will be okay.
Yes it may not feel like it at first but you will. Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but you will be okay. It might take a lot longer than you thought possible, but healing takes a lot of time. It can take up to years to feel fully healed again.
The one thing I have learned is that you will never be completely the same again, but you will be okay.
It doesn't take more than losing a parent, to realize how short and important life is. Don't go a day without telling your friends how much they mean to you and telling your mom how much you love her. Don't ever go to bed angry, you never know how long someone has left.
Life can be over in an instant, so enjoy the little things, and never take anyone for granted.
Losing a loved one definitely does NOT define you, but it will certainly change you.
