Maybe it’s the Chicagoan in me, but I get very angry when people don’t know how to walk on sidewalks. Some people get road rage around bad drivers, but I get pedestrian road rage when I’m around bad walkers. The sidewalk has an unspoken code of laws just the road has a written one. If you understand what I’m saying, then these things probably bug the crap out of you:

1. People who walk on the wrong side of the sidewalk

What country are you from? Why are you walking on the left side of the sidewalk when everyone else is walking one the right? I swear I will run straight into you if you do this! And if you are from another country, this is all I ask that you learn from American culture. Stay on the right side of the sidewalk.

2. Groups of people who take up the whole sidewalk

Oh, my god. I’m just walking on the right side of the sidewalk, minding my own business, when three people coming towards me decide to walk in a line spanning the whole sidewalk. Now, I’m waiting for them to form a single file line and let me pass. Spoiler alert: they don’t! So, instead, I get basically run off the sidewalk while trying not to collide with anyone. If I ever have to step off of a sidewalk because of you, I’ve probably imagined us having a fist fight.

3. People who walk directly behind you

You just hear them breathing and the jingle of their keys or something. You can’t see them, but their footsteps echo yours, and despite the fact that it’s two in the afternoon, you’re pretty sure they’re gonna try to murder you — because they’re being super creepy. Stop getting close to me. Take a few steps back.

4. Golf carts and bikes on the sidewalk

No. No, no, no. Not allowed. Carts are too big and run me off the sidewalk. Bikes go way too fast and nearly kill me. Stay on the roads or just go through the grass.

5. People who walk faster when you try to pass them

Ooooohhhmmmmygod. I’m trying to get to class. I’m running late. I need to get past you. It’s not personal, but I want to get around you and back to the right side of the sidewalk. You can stop being so dramatic and just keep a steady pace.

6. People who stop in the middle of the sidewalk

If you walk two steps, you’re in the grass where you can stop and loiter all day. I, on the other hand, need to use this pavement to get where I’m going, so either take a selfie on the move or get out of the way.

7. Slow walkers

Has there ever been something that has joined people in hatred so much as slow walkers? And slow walkers on their own are pretty frustrating, but you just pass them. But slow walkers taking up the whole walkway with their slowness? Slow walkers on the wrong side of the sidewalk? I can’t deal with that. It’s time for people to get sent to walking traffic school.