1. I'm fine
Boys, she is not fine. She is being difficult. You better keep asking her what’s wrong until she cracks and finally tells you what is bothering her. It is likely something you did. Once she cracks, she will probably start going on and on about whatever you did wrong. But you better not believe she’s actually fine because that will only make it worse.
2. Have fun!
Boys, again, you better not have fun. Whatever you’re doing or wherever you’re going, you better not go. If your girl hits you with the “have fun!”, abort mission. Abort as soon as possible. If you do go out and have fun without her when she is angry with you, you will only be coming home to a huge fight that is not looking good for you.
3. Who is she?/What did you do on ________?
If your girl asks you any question like this, you better believe she already knows. Your girl knows where you were June 2, 2013 at 10:34 pm. Girls know everything. I know we say that a lot but we really do. Girls talk. We tell each other everything. We already know who the girl favoriting your tweets is and we already knew you weren’t where you said you were. We have done our homework. We have already seen the screenshots of you talking to that girl and we have already creeped on her Instagram up to 100 weeks ago. Our best friend saw you at McDonald’s through the drive thru when you said you were staying home with family. We just know. Don’t waste your breath with a lie because this is not a question, this is a test.
4. We should totally hang out!
Chances are, when two girls say this to each other, they have no real intention of hanging out. Girls have a tendency to be fakely nice to each other and make a lot of empty promises. If you ever hear two girls say this followed by a “yeah for sure I’ll totally text you sometime!”, chances are they are not going to be hanging out. Girls stick to what they are comfortable with and they would much rather text their best friend and say “hope you’re not doing anything because I’m half way to your house already” than to make the effort to see someone new that they actually would have to put real clothes on for and look somewhat decent in order to see. It’s likely that both girls feel this way and they both just said this to be nice.
5. I'm leaving in 5
Your girl is still contouring her face. She hasn’t even started her eyeshadow, mascara, or eyeliner. She hasn’t even gotten dressed yet. My best guess is that if she is “leaving in 5” you probably have a solid 20 minutes until she actually is on her way. Do not get your hopes up.
6. Omg I missed you so much!
Everyone has witnessed this one before. Two girls see each other again at the beginning of a school year after not seeing each other all summer and talk about how much they missed each other followed by a “why didn’t we hang out?”. They didn’t hang out because they didn’t really miss each other. This is another one of those fakely nice things. If they really missed each other, they would have hung out.
7. I'm so ugly
Everyone knows one of these girls. The girl that is always saying how ugly she is when she knows she is far from being ugly. She just wants to hear everyone tell her how pretty she is. We have all even seen the notorious selfie post with the caption “I’m so ugly but here’s a selfie”. Girl, we all know damn well you would not be posting selfies if you didn’t think you looked good.
