Life is hard; sometimes we get caught up in appointments, essays, assignments, relationships, work, etc. Obviously these things warrant crippling stress. There are no greater problems in this world than what you have going on. To help you out, here are some of my preferred coping mechanisms.
- Hot Tea. What people often forget is that stress makes your heart cold; I believe that was the whole premise of Frozen. Hot tea works to counteract stress's hypothermic effects by rewarming your core. Anna could have been saved a hell- of-a-lot faster if they went and bought some chamomile instead of trying to determine the meaning of love.
- Scented shit. Smell is the first sense to erode under the pressures of stress. To combat this process, stock up on anything with the words "stress" in combination with "relief", "resolving", "curing", or "explosion". While aromatherapy may sound expensive, it is covered by most insurance providers including Medicare and Medicaid.
- Instrumental music. When feeling stressed, it is often helpful to listen to soothing sounds. Instrumental music allows you to listen to songs that remind you of happier times, while not distracting you from imminent and threatening problems at hand with their catchy lyrics.
- Napping. Stress can reduce your lifespan. Cats have nine lives. Cats love to nap. Napping increases your lifespan. Stress hates cats.
- Meditate. Take sometime to sit and reflect. Just fifteen minutes a day of meditation will allow you to mentally hone in on your worries. In that fifteen minutes, you might gain the clarity you need to realize that sitting doing nothing does not change your To Do list.
- Reality check. If you send a check via mail to Reality it may be able to help you out. It does not render services cheaply; however, when push comes to shove, you may not have any other options. If you cannot pay Reality, consider sexual favors.
- Take a deep breath. Death by stress suffocation claims thousands of lives in the U.S. annually. It is critical that you do not become so alarmed by your life that you forget to breathe. The best technique for a deep breath is to inhale with your nose while clenching your butt so that the stick does not fall out. Then release your breath slowly and deliberately.
