Everyone has wondered what it would be like to be famous. How would you be treated? Would you like the constant attention or would it get old? Well now you can know without any commitment or talent! Just follow these simple steps:
1. Always overdress.
"Dress for success" is good advice for any occasion, but this is especially true for you odd people who are taking this seriously and actually want to trick people into thinking you're famous.
2. Never stop strutting.
All famous people strut. They carry themselves with confidence. If you don't carry yourself like you think you're better than everyone else, then how are other people supposed to think that?
3. Make unwavering eye contact.
There's nothing more terrifying than a person who never blinks. It shows that you are paying very close attention to whatever the person you're talking to is saying or doing. But make sure that this does not come across as kind. We don't want the peasants thinking that you care. We want them to think that doing something wrong under your glare will have dire consequences.
4. Always sound busy.
The best way to do this is to be on your phone. Text vigorously and pretend to be speaking to "your people," like your "manager" or your "publicist." Say pretentious things that make you sound like you have enough money to buy Kim's butt.
5. Travel with a crew.
Your posse is your greatest key to success. Make sure that you have a solid group of friends that are just as crazy as you. You need friends that are insane enough to help you pretend to be famous. Divide these dedicated friends into groups. Some have to be fans and some have to be paparazzi. Now hopefully you've saved your best friends for last because you still need a squad of confident, attractive humans to walk behind you and help you look as hot as you can be.
Every celebrity has a circle of other celebrities that they either love or hate. Taylor Swift, for example, has that group of insanely hot models and singers that appeared in her Bad Blood video. If you're actually still considering doing this, you're going to need to drop some names here and there to show that you have "connections." Talk on your phone to your "manager" about that duet you've been planning with Beyoncé or call up Zac Efron and tell him you're going to have to cancel your lunch meeting because something else came up. Be careful with this one because not many things can be considered more important than a meeting with Zac Efron.
7. Cause a scene.
This final step is the most fun out of all of them. Now you really have to be dedicated to your cause for this one to work. If you fail, everyone around you will realize how crazy you actually are. You must cause a scene in some form. Make a big deal out of the barista making your drink wrong. Send back your steak because it's slightly overcooked. Turn over some tables. Threaten a lawsuit. Do something that indicates that you have the money to make a complete fool of yourself while still commanding respect. If you fail at this point, people will discover that you are not actually famous and that you may be clinically insane. This is what you are trying to avoid so I suggest thoroughly planning out your scene beforehand.
I don't want to be liable for any damages done or crimes committed so if you're actually crazy enough to attempt this, do it right. And if you do, know that I am very proud and would like video footage of how you pulled this off. You shall be known as one of the greats. If this guy can do it, so can you! That's right! Somebody actually pulled this off and here's the proof: