So you've been spending too much time watching Netflix and not enough being active. You feel winded walking up the stairs to class. You constantly find yourself thinking, "I am not in shape." You need to work out. Luckily for you, your friend is starting a Kayla Itsines workout, and she needs a partner! So you jump in, and suffer through the stages that make up the first week of a workout.
1. Sunday: Looking at the workout plan.
You see squats, sit ups, burpees—all exercises you've done in previous workouts. You can totally handle this. Lets go!
2. Monday: Legs and Cardio
You're maybe two minutes into the first circuit, and you can already feel your legs starting to burn. You get sticky and realize maybe you should have worn a tank top instead of a T-shirt. Breathing becomes a little more difficult, and you start to rely completely on your friend to count your reps. You want more time to break between circuits. No way has three minutes passed already. You finally finish, but your legs are jello. You look like a newborn colt trying to walk as you make your way to the water fountain. You're going to be so sore tomorrow.
3. Tuesday: Who needs to walk?
You knew you'd be sore, but this is a little much. It's like your legs don't remember how to walk anymore. You're actually waddling more than you are walking. You think walking up the stairs might be the worst thing you've ever experienced. That is, until you have to walk down the stairs. Seriously, falling down the stairs might be less painful. Your quad muscles very well might be ripping into threads. You have to brace yourself to sit down. You just want to get in bed and not move for the rest of the day, but 35-45 minutes of walking or cycling is part of the workout today. Greeeeeat.
4. Wednesday: Arms and Abs
Your legs are even worse today, but thankfully, this workout is all about arms and abs. You feel pretty good about your push-ups at first. Flat body, all the way down to the floor. And then somewhere in your second circuit, you just about face plant because your arms aren't working anymore. You start doing push-ups from your knees, but hey, your body is still flat. And then you can't even do that. You're getting like halfway up before you flop back down. When did push-ups get to be so hard? And I can feel my abs, so where are they?
5. Thursday: I have a muscle right there?
So, you can kind of walk now, but there are other ways to look ridiculous. Muscles you didn't even know you had in your arm hurt. You can't bend your arm to reach your face. Guess that's one way to cut back on the eating. Hope you don't need your hair to look nice because just brushing it alone causes enough pain to make you sweat a little. I can go one more day without washing it, right?
6. Friday: Full Body Workout
Cue nervous laughter because today might actually kill you. A combination of everything that made you sore all week long. But hey, at least you can give one part a break while working out the other. By some miracle from God, you make it through all four circuits. After which you collapse on the couch and vow never to move again. Why would you torture yourself like this?
7. Saturday: You made it!
Your low intensity workout is probably lower intensity than Kayla had in mind, but you made it, gosh dang it! "One week down, 27 more to go," your friend says. "Wait," you think, "you mean, I have to do this again?!"
