You know what day it is: Winesday. Or is it actually Monday? There's really no difference at this point. You and your best friend are ready to kill that $6 bottle of Moscato and text your ex-boyfriends.
Stage One: Excitement
It's roughly 7 p.m. and neither of you can wait any longer. You're ready to drown the problems you don't really have in that bottle and reveal things about yourself no one really even wants to know. Neither of you have ever been more willing to set foot in the kitchen to locate the corkscrew.
Stage Two: Relief
That first sip tastes better than any first sip you've ever had. You both turn your phones on silent to avoid responsibilities and start discussing whether your latest boo deserves any acknowledgment tonight or not. He doesn't, but you already have a text saved in your drafts for later. The more wine you drink, the more both of your lives will come together.
Stage Three: Ideas
Two or three glasses in and you're both feeling ambitious. You're both about to change your major, tell your exes you want to be friends, and buy front-row tickets to see Justin Bieber. The world is your oyster, and you have wine as your liquid courage and support to thank for that.
Stage Four: Confessions and Analyzing
You and your bestie have now both had enough wine to bring your word vomit to its maximum level. It's now the perfect time to admit you stained one of her dresses and put it back in her closet and to ask her why that boy only responded with "Hahaha" when you sent a five paragraph essay. You've got a lot of information to get through before that bottle is empty.
Stage Five: Power Moves
The ultimate level of happiness from your wine has hit and you're both ready to do all the things you know are too much for a sober evening. It's time to order three large pizzas, subtweet about that girl you hate, and send the texts for your BFF that you have been the co-author of all night. You need to plan the next 10 years of your life out in this very moment.
Stage Six: Meltdown
Things are escalating quickly and not for the best. Its been 23 minutes and 46 seconds and you haven't gotten a single response to your drunk texts, your pants no longer fit and you can't stop thinking about that one time you saw a dead cat on the side of the road. You try to console each other but you are both so involved in your own problems at this point you're just talking over one another and muttering, "Why doesn't anybody like me?"
Stage Seven: Acceptance and Annoyance
You've both given up on all your thoughts for the night. You're tired, you're bloated, and if Kyle from Economics never gives you the time of day again you know you'll be just fine. You both vow to not drink wine for a while because you are too emotionally distraught. But you both know better and that you have four more bottles chilling.
Come over tomorrow for some wine? No, I couldn't possibly...
