I love Diet Coke. Diet Coke is like the bad boy you aren’t supposed to like because he drives a motorcycle and continually cuts class, but you still can’t stop thinking about his beautiful hair. I know that Diet Coke is slowly rotting my insides, but the love does not fade. Here are some signs that you’re obsessed with Diet Coke:
1. You hate Diet Pepsi.
Diet Pepsi tastes like death in a can. If a restaurant only serves Pepsi products, you have an emotional breakdown, then order Diet Pepsi anyway, because it’s the closest you’re going to get to Diet Coke.
2. You spend way too much money on Diet Coke.
You constantly are at McDonald's getting a large Diet Coke, light ice, in a Styrofoam cup. You are always checking sales at grocery stores to see who has the best deal because a 12-pack for five dollars is ridiculous.
3. You know that Diet Coke is slowly killing you, but you don’t care.
Sometimes you even swear it off, but the headaches that ensue after a few days clean are unbearable. You are an addict, and the withdrawal symptoms consume you.
4. You actually crave the burning feeling that happens when you drink Diet Coke too quickly.
I’m sure the same feeling occurs when you drink battery acid, but it is the best pain there is. Your throat burns and you think you might choke, but it’s worth it after a long day craving an ice cold Diet Coke.
5. Sometimes you drink it in the morning when you run out of coffee.
Because what’s better than rotting your teeth out before you even brush them? You get some weird looks carrying around a Diet Coke can at eight in the morning, so putting it in a travel coffee mug makes it more socially acceptable.
6. The last Diet Coke in the fridge is your most valuable item.
You will never forget that time your friend drank your very last Diet Coke and ruined your life. You usually keep multiple 12-packs hidden away so that this tragedy doesn’t happen again.
7. You can’t eat certain things without a Diet Coke.
Chocolate and Diet Coke will forever be the best combo. You feel like something is missing when eating one of your favorite foods without Diet Coke.
Diet Coke is your one true love, and you know it will be there no matter what (unless you're in a Pepsi restaurant.). No matter your efforts to quit your bad habit, you always come back to it, mostly because the headaches are unbearable. Those articles telling you that you are going to get fat, develop cancer, and rot from the inside out terrify you; so you go on run, eat a little healthier, and buy whitening strips, because there’s no way you're giving up your Diet Coke.
