August 26, 2009. The day I started dating my best friend. (Yes, we were in middle school!) It’s been a roller coaster of a ride, and I’ve learned something from each and every experience we’ve shared. Below is a list of what I believe to be the 7 most important things I've learned in the last 7 years.
1. Communication is key.
You aren’t always going to see eye to eye, and that’s okay. Having disagreements is normal and healthy. You don’t have to agree with each other, what’s really important is that you try to understand each other. Talk things out, look at the situation from their perspective, and don’t be afraid to express your feelings. When you’re in love, being open and honest should become much easier.
2. A relationship is not a romance movie.
Some women seem to believe they should be spoiled with bouquets of roses, boxes of chocolate, and expensive dinner dates. In reality, those things are wonderful to receive, but they are not necessary. I have realized there’s no reason your partner needs to buy you gifts to keep you happy, and also that males should not be expected to pay for everything on every date. Every relationship is different. No one should compare their relationship to anyone else’s, especially the ones they see in chick flicks.
Life gets crazy. There is never enough time for that weekly “date night” you would like to have. But when you’re in love, you should enjoy sitting on the couch and watching a movie together just as much as you enjoy going out. It’s not about how much time you have together; it’s about how you spend that time.
While it’s very important to spend time together, you should also spend time apart. Working, studying, getting together with friends, spending time with family… I have learned just how important it is to find a balance between all of those things and being in a relationship.
4. Trust.
Healthy relationships are built on trust. This took some time for me to learn, but I finally realized that we care about each other way too much to jeopardize that. When you truly love someone and they love you back, trust should come easily. I can honestly say that there’s no reason for me to worry about my boyfriend doing anything to hurt me or our relationship.
5. It doesn’t matter what other people think.
When you’re in a relationship with someone for 7 years (especially one that started in middle school), people will question it. How have you been together for so long? Don’t you want to meet other people, experience new things in college? Doesn’t it get boring? And the answer is no. I don’t want to be with anyone else, it doesn’t get boring, and we have stayed together for this long because we truly love each other.
Trust me, it hasn’t been easy. And when we were in 7th grade I never would have imagined it turning into this. What started off as 12-year-old puppy love led to us being high school sweethearts. Now we’re attending the same college and planning our future together. People can judge us all they want to, but we wouldn’t want our life to be any other way.
6. Change is a good thing.
Sometimes when people are in a serious relationship their loved ones will think, “she’s changed him so much,” or “he turned her into a different person.” Usually this would be seen as negative, but that’s not always the case. Seven years ago, my boyfriend had hair like Justin Beiber’s, he cared more about sports than school, and although he hates to admit it, he was shorter than me and a little on the chubby side.
He’s changed a lot since then. His hair is shorter, he’s eight inches taller than I am, and there’s muscle where his fat used to be. He cares a lot more about school now (especially since he’s majoring in Sports Management) and I’m more proud than ever to call him mine.
I’ll admit that I’ve changed a lot, too, and I hope it’s for the better. Ed, I can’t thank you enough for helping shape me into the person I am today. You’ve taught me to love myself, work hard at everything I do, and make the best of every situation. You’ve also taught me not to worry about what other people think (as I said in #5), and that laughter is the best medicine. That’s one of the many reasons why I love you so much, you make me laugh. On that note, here is the 7th thing that I’ve learned in our seven years together.
7. The magic words.
I love you, thank you, and I’m sorry. It’s important to use these words correctly, and use them often. When you love someone, let them know. Not just verbally, but in all of the other ways, too. By respecting them, trusting them, and treating them right. Say “thank you” to the ones you love, whether what they do for you is big or small. And it’s okay to make mistakes, but be sure to say “I’m sorry” and mean it.
I’ve learned a lot in our seven-year relationship. There are times when I forget these lessons, and I have to step back and remind myself of them. Our relationship certainly isn’t perfect and there will always be things to work on, but I think we will have many, many more years to do so.
