Do you have immigrant parents? Are you also somewhat bilingual? Maybe yes, maybe no, or maybe you feel you are in the middle.
If you answered yes to my questions, you must have heard the story of how your parents came to America, or another foreign place, different from your original home.
For Nigerians, the story is not any different, but it can be entertaining. To be frank, immigrant parents can sometimes be your biggest supports/obstacles. Nigerian parents (and other immigrant parents) are living testaments that today's millennial can look up to in their achievements. It is a tedious process to emigrate from a country, occupy various temporal jobs over a long period time, or begin a family while still supporting some families back in the motherland.
To every immigrant families out there, kudos to you.
Even with the subtle exposure assimilation to the "Americanah" lifestyles, Nigerian parents still hold on to some few specific stories, which have forged and molded some comical truths/lies you might have heard growing up. This could be a nostalgic read for some of you, and to paint some imagery I will use my name in some of the quotes listed below. Lastly, this was written to amuse you, my readers, so expect mere exaggerations.
1. They were ALWAYS achievers.
"Chima, when I was your age eh, I used to get first position every academic term."
A lie told by almost every African parent.
This is their bragging moment- when they reminisce about their high school days. The trick in their lie is that if every parent obtained the first position, who took the second place? LOL. Depending on your Nigerian parent's personality, you might have to swallow their lie because they just want to inspire you. Interrogating them might be seen as a insulting and disrespectful act, and might cause wahala (means trouble in Nigerian Pidgin). No one likes wahala.
2. They will COMPARE you to your friend or close friend's child.
"Chima, look at Oke your friend, did you know he goes to church every Sunday, but you, when was the last time you prayed".
Nigerians do something I call "follow follow". When they see some children doing well, they will construct an imaginary T chart to scrutinize your similarities and differences. Chances are, if they see and like a practiced value by somebody else-most likely your age mate and Nigerian- you will hear about it "sharp sharp" (quickly).
3. You are either a Doctor, a lawyer, an engineer, or irrelevant.
Literally every African child can relate to this narrative, in which their immigrant parents urge us to be recruited into the robust STEM programs. I don’t blame them. Unemployment rates are real and, as parents, they want to see success firsthand and immediately, rather than waiting for you to suddenly strike gold when times become inconvenient.
4. "So Chima, you don’t remember me? Ah ah, I was there at your baptism."
Being raised in a Nigerian household also means having long chains of extended families. Some of you are familiar with this, and others of you aren’t. It is common and embarrassingly hilarious when an elder questions you on the knowledge of their own identity, especially when your brain is not an efficient face recorder.
5. Nigerian mum: "Adaugo, take my phone, take our picture"
Me: *takes multiple pictures*
Nigerian mum: “I don’t like how my face looks, another one”
So technically, some African parents will not encourage art majors, in comparison to sciences, but you as the child will be their unpaid photographer in weddings, weekly churches, wake-keeps, etc.
6. When you get a 98 out of 100 and you believe you are successful, they will ask you where the other two points went.
"The person who got a 100, did they have 3 heads?"
This is very accurate because Nigerian parents really love perfection. Nothing less. You could be the next Bill Gates but if you are not getting those excellent grades, there will problems
7. When your parents get a call from someone they do not want to speak with, they tell you to tell them that you are not there.
This was my childhood. In my naïve years, imagine talking to someone on the phone and they ask to talk to your parents. You run to your parents and their reply is “tell them that I am not here”. I go back to the phone and begin with, she said I should tell you…” and wahala came after that.
